Road to Always
by klindsay
Summary: Begins just before "The Limey" - Rick needs some space, and Kate wants to know why things are going wonky. Co-authored by Docnerd89 some *SPOILERS* contained within.
1. Chapter 1

_..._

_..._

_I__'__m __a __new __man__.  
><em>_I __wear __a __new __cologne__.  
><em>_You __wouldn__'__t __know __me __if __your __eyes __were __closed__.  
><em>_I __know __what __you__'__ll __say__.  
>'<em>_This __won__'__t __last __longer __than __the __rest __of __the __day__'.  
><em>_But __you__'__re __wrong __this __time__._

_You__'__re __wrong__._

-John Mayer, "New Deep"

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always: Chapter 1<strong>

Rick can't believe what he's hearing. Has she just admitted, to a suspect no less, that she has been lying to him for almost a year? She remembers. She's always remembered.

Mother urged me to tell her. I'm glad I never had the time; I would have been humiliated. She doesn't love me. She was saving us both by not telling me - or she thought she was. I can't let it break me, that's not who I am. I make a difference here. I'll keep helping, or else I'm just back to being just a writer, back to being a purposeless soul.

XxX

"Oh Richard really, a bomb memorial? C'mon honey, isn't this rather morbid?" Martha remarked. She doesn't know why her son feels the need to revisit such a painful memory. Not just the deaths from this senseless act, but his feelings for Kate that it dredges up.

"That's how I'm feeling."

"She isn't dead."

"She might as well be. I really thought we could have a future together. You know, I was willing to wait. Come to find out it's all just a big joke. She knew. This whole time she remembered, and she didn't say anything... because she was embarrassed. She doesn't feel the same way. I'm such a fool." Rick said, sounding defeated.

They both took a minute to look at the memorial. Pictures of loved ones lost, grieving friends and family. Rick was grieving too.

Martha nudged her son. "Well, come on, let's go home - break out some of the good stuff, okay?" She smiled, trying to add levity to a moment full of despair.

"I'd love to, but I've gotta be getting back."

"Back? Why on earth would you be going back? Knowing how she feels, knowing that she lied to you..." Martha said in disbelief.

"This isn't about her, this is... this is about them." he gestures at the memorial "It's about doing something real. Something that matters. I'm not willing to let that go."

"Richard, love is not a switch, you can't just turn it off. You can't work side-by-side with her and not feel anything."

He smiled grimly, took his mother by the arm, and said with an air of confidence far greater than he felt, "Watch me."

XxX

How much am I lying to myself? How far can I push myself? It isn't about the books anymore. That was the truth. It isn't about her anymore - how much am I lying to myself? I don't know. I need a break. We figured out who the bomber was, who his accomplice was. Now I should take some time for me. What good is my money if I don't splurge on myself?

Well, how about a trip. What place is it better to lick your wounds in than Las Vegas? It's as close as he can get to actually being out on the street - in the gutter. Kicked to the curb by the one person... No, he can't think of her. This is about him. He'll get far away from New York. He needs some debauchery - why shouldn't he let loose? Nobody to be squeaky clean for anymore.

Tickets bought. Good thing he has an app for that. He'll take the Ferrari. It's been gathering dust since she drove it. He's sure the airport valet will take good care of it. Who's he kidding? He doesn't care either way. He just wants to feel the wind on his face.

XxX

Ugh, it's Tuesday. He squints as his hands fumble around on the side table for his sunglasses. His tailored leather coat is ruined. It's not exactly the best nightwear. He didn't bring anything but his cell phone and his Centurian Card. It's all he needed. Time to get back home. If he didn't have Alexis there, he'd probably stay a couple of weeks. But she'll be leaving the nest soon enough, and at least he has something to keep him tethered there. He loves New York. He really does. However, right now the city seems much too small, confined, crowded - with people he'd like to keep at arm's length. New York's finest sure knows how to break a guy.

First class, baby. The only way to fly. He can stretch out his legs, and there's usually no crying baby kicking the back of his seat. The air hostesses aren't too bad a view either. Especially that one - blonde, busty - the kind he used to go for before - just before - and maybe now... again.

"Freshen your drink, Mr. Castle?"

When she leans down and shows him her ample cleavage, he can read her name tag. Jacinda. It definitely fits her.

"Dunno, Jacinda." He puts on the Castle charm he's gotten almost rusty with. "How experienced are you at refreshing things?" She giggled back at him and picked up his glass.

"Scotch, two fingers, right? Glenlivet?"

"You tell me. And call me Rick.", he smirked.

"Whatever you ask for, Rick. I can get it for you."

He leered as she walked away. This was the life. This was _his_ life. Maybe he missed it, he still wasn't sure. He was determined to quash the feeling that he was cheating. Not likely to happen anytime soon, but he could still try. So, this was to be his life... now.

This was his crutch, his go-to mask. How better to show you don't give a crap than be a ne'er do well playboy. He hardly ever makes page six anymore, but that's not why he's doing it this time. This time, he's doing it to forget himself. Forget who he is underneath the facade.

He asks for her number but she gives him one better. He can give her a lift after they've landed. Castle's pretty sure he can talk her into the penthouse suite at the Gramercy Park, and probably out of her uniform. That way he doesn't have to give her his address, and he can cut and run when it's convenient.

He pulls up the hotel's website and books the 'Park One' suite. "Hey, Jacinda." He calls to her and waves her over. "You mind if we make a stop once we get back to the city? I have a suite at the Gramercy." The look in her eyes could only be described as eager.

"That sounds nice. I've never seen inside one of their suites." She winks at him and returns to her station. She continues to gather drinks for the First Class passengers. But every time she turns back towards the cabin, she gives him a flirty look.

Oh yeah, this'll be fun. 'No... _**NO!**_' he hears the voice in his head screaming. 'Rick, you can't do this, you're still waiting.' He isn't listening to that voice today. And he's definitely not waiting.

XxX

Castle lets her walk ahead of him so he can see her 'assets'. She changed into street clothes before they left the airport - lord knows why, but he's not complaining. Could that little black skirt _be_ any tighter? When she stops outside the door to his room, he puts his hands on either side of her and angrily starts to kiss her.

Rick pushes the key card into the door lock, and they fall into the room. He backs her against the wall as they grab at each other. She's pushing his jacket off his shoulders, and he's grabbing her hips, pulling her into him. Anything, so he doesn't picture his brown-haired apparition. He can't keep comparing; partly because he shouldn't be, partly because it's impossible. When it comes to her, there is no comparison. There's only her, and it can't be about her tonight - or let's face it, any other night. Jacinda, he's with Jacinda right now. She has to be enough, but deep down, he knows she's not.

His conscience keeps prodding at him, but he refuses to let it stop him. He has to drown it out. He pulls at the (mostly enhanced) blonde's shirt as she slowly unbuttons his. Fake is good. Fake is what he needs. The voice in his head is almost screaming now, 'Keep telling yourself that Rick, you just might end up believing it'.

"No, I won't." He says out loud.

"Huh?" Jacinda breathes out.

"I won't. I can't." He repeats.

Before Jacinda has enough time to wonder if he needs some sort of medication, his phone goes off.

He couldn't delete her from his contacts, but he could manage some retaliation. He smirks a little at the ringtone he set on Friday.

'_I_ _cannot_ _take_ _it__._ _You__'__re_ _bothering_ _me__._ _What__'__s_ _your_ _problem__._ _Just_ _get_ _lost_.'

"Like - Oh Em Gee. Who's that?" Jacinda asks, evidently disgusted with the discordant noise spewing out of his cell.

He doesn't understand the immediate urge to tell her off. _Who__'__s_ _that__?_ How can she ask? The nerve of this woman. He sighs internally, but answers anyway. "SOiL. I'm guessing you haven't heard of them." Beckett would know. Somehow, she always knew everything.

"Are they new or something?"

"No, not new. You were probably in middle school when that song was released." He rolled his eyes - again, internally. He's pretty sure she never got to college.

The phone was still ringing; as much as he'd love to let it go to voicemail, he felt compelled to answer.

"Castle" He said curtly.

"We've got a fresh one." Her voice sounded like silk. He hates that it still does.

He bites off a response. "Address?"

"What? No retort?" He can almost hear the smirk.

He stays silent. Right now, he doesn't trust his words. But his words are all he has. What has she done to him?

"Umm. Okay, write it down." She says, not having the time to dwell on the lack of response.

He grabbed the hotel notepad from the desk near the entryway, and jotted down the information. "Got it. I'll be there."

Castle straightened out the buttons on his shirt and put his hands on Jacinda's upper arms. "I've gotta take care of something. I wish we could stick around for a bit, but this is important. Still need that ride home?"

"Sure. I could drop you off?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have to get somewhere, right? Drive us to wherever you have to be, and then I'll drive myself home. You can pick up the car later."

She's crazy. She has to be crazy. Trust her with his Ferrari? Trust. Look where _that__'__s_ gotten him before. Nevermind that it'll end up with this blonde bimbo at the crime scene. In front of Kate - no, Beckett. That's not his goal. He'd never be _that_ vindictive. He keeps trying to convince himself he's better than that.

"Sure. Yeah. That's a good idea." He said nonchalantly. "Let's head out."

'It's a terrible idea' The much ignored voice shouts again. He's going to ignore it... _again_.

"Cool. Let's go." Jacinda said with a toothy-smile.

His eyes widened - _she__'__d_ have caught that. She'd have noticed. Jacinda does not. 'Cool. Shoot me now.' The voice laments.

He called the valet from the room, and looks around - opportunity lost, and it's _her_ fault again. Maybe his mother was right. It seems like there's no part of his life she hasn't invaded. That he hasn't _allowed_ her to invade. Funny that Beckett thought it was Castle invading _her_ life from the start. Even here they were equals; partners. It was usually a two-way street, but somehow he got turned around.

Castle led Jacinda to the elevators and pressed the button for the lobby.

"Mr. Castle. Your keys." The eager young man called to him as they made their way through the hotel's front door. He pressed fifty bucks into the guy's hand and kept walking.

"I'm leaving the top down, hope your hair can take it." He had to make a snarky comment to her, his defense mechanism never worked the way he wanted it to. They pulled away from the curb, tires squealing against the concrete surface, and he left whatever semblance of peace he was working towards - not that it had worked at all - behind him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** Okay, it's tough so far, we know that. Trust us, it's going to get much better. Next chapter to come after we learn more about the case -and stuff in general- from "The Limey"._

_Docnerd89 shouts, "SLIMEY"_

_Did I mention how much I love teaming up with Docnerd89 on this story? She's awesome. She even knows how to use proper tenses._

_Docnerd89 says, "Ditto"_

_So there's the beginning. More to come. Please enjoy!_

_Docnerd89 says, "P.S. We also want "Jacinda" to crash and burn"_

_I believe our thoughts were to kill her with a bazooka, stomp on her remains, feed her to sharks, then put anything left over in a rocket to the sun._

_Docnerd89: "And we feel sorry for the sun."_

_Yup - what she said. At least you know we're not writing her in 'cause we like her._


	2. Chapter 2

…

...

_I'm never shy but this is different  
><em>_I can't explain the way I'm feeling tonight  
><em>_I'm losing control of my heart  
><em>_Tell me what can I do to make you happy  
><em>_Nothing I ever say seems to come out right  
><em>_I'm losing control of my heart  
><em>_And I wish that I could be  
><em>_Another better part of me  
><em>_Can't hear what you're thinking  
><em>_Maybe if I just let go  
><em>_You'd open up your heart  
><em>_But I can't read you  
><em>

_I wish I knew what's going through your mind  
><em>_Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind  
><em>_Can't reach you  
><em>_I wish I knew what's going through your mind  
><em>_Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind_

_-Daniel Bedingfield, "I Can't Read You"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always: Chapter 2<strong>

Castle was on the phone, off in the corner. Kate spared a glance towards him and saw his smiling, carefree face break into a small laugh. It felt good to see him happy again. She felt good. But why should she? Did that mean that he was sad all week - and consequently, so was she? He'd been distant since somewhere in the middle of the last case they'd worked. It took a toll on everyone but somehow it was entirely different where he was concerned. It changed him - and she couldn't fathom why.

Rick walked towards Kate. "Where's 'Scotland Yard' off to?"

"Oh, he's going back to London." She paused. "Um... Castle, do you have a second... can we talk?"

"Actually, I don't. Jacinda has the Ferrari double parked in a loading zone."

"Wow. Four dates in three days. You like her."

He smiled, even though it hurt a little. "Yeah, why?"

Kate tried to keep her face neutral. "Eh, she just, she doesn't seem like your type."

"Well, she's fun... and uncomplicated. I think that's what my life needs right now." Heh. 'uncompli-_kate_-ed'. He chuckled to himself morosely. Even when he didn't want to, he knew his way around a pun.

Kate shook her head as she watched him walk away. She thought about the distance Castle was building - the walls she'd built that he'd been helping to tear down - and now he was building one himself... It was disturbing her far more than she'd like to admit. It disturbed her again, as he just walked away from her, without a call or promise of tomorrow. She turned down a completely handsome - ruggedly handsome? No. That was _his_ word. devilishly. Yes - devilishly is definitely more like Colin. She turned down a devilishly handsome, genuinely kind man.

The man was married to his job - just like she was; the man who probably understood about love and loss as she did - not to mention his totally hot accent. She turned him down intentionally, finally having come to terms with the fact that although this was a good man, he wasn't the right man. She knew who the right man for her was. Finally, she knew. Lanie asked her how long she would wait even if he wasn't 'the one', but he was. Her 'one'.

Kate picked up her cell. "Hi. It's... uh, it's Kate. Do you still wanna buy me that drink?"

"Of course, I'll pick you up in a few."

XxX

"So what are we discussing tonight?" Lanie grabbed her friend's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"He asked if I wanted to get a drink with him."

"Who, Castle?"

"No, Colin. I turned him down so I could talk to Castle, and then he rushed off to hook up with his stewardess." Kate's face fell and she felt the tears prick up behind her eyelids.

"Oh honey. I really don't want to say I told you so, but I kinda did. Maybe he'll never change."

"I don't want to believe that. I just wish I knew what's changed. I've seen him, the _real_ him, and this isn't it. The man who's flaunting that blonde isn't the man I've seen nurturing his daughter or watching my back. Something must've happened."

"Well, I'm obviously not helping you figure things out. Maybe Doctor Burke can help? I know you don't usually want to talk about your therapy, but you seemed to be making some headway."

Kate nodded. "I was. At least... I thought I was. I'll call his office in the morning, maybe they can fit me in. My brain is all jumbled - hopefully he can talk me through things."

"Sounds like a plan, lady. Now - I think that decision deserves a Cosmo." Lanie made a gesture to the bartender, and her wink brought him over quickly. "Two Cosmos, and a smile for my friend?"

XxX

"I was going to tell him that I remembered - the day I was shot - because he's been acting so different. It's like he's reverted to his old self. The Richard Castle I'd met on the first case. I thought that was all for show, because even then he was - this is different - he's different. Something's changed. I wanted to tell him that I don't want to wait anymore.

Her therapist listened with rapt attention. "What do you think changed? It sounded like everything happened overnight. Have you gone over what happened just before he started acting coldly to you?"

"I have. I've gone over and over it. Maybe too much." Kate paused. "Oh no, what if I've waited too long?"

His words echoed in Kate's mind. '_Kate__,_ _what_ _are_ _you_ _really_ _scared_ _of__?_ _That_ _he_ _won__'__t_ _wait_ _for_ _you__,_ _or_ _that_ _he_ _will__?' _ She looked at Doctor Burke inquisitively. His face was soft and empathetic, but she wasn't seeing answers there. He always wanted her to talk things out and come to her own conclusions.

"I thought we had a deal. I thought that he'd wait for me. It really seemed like he was willing to wait. I've been waiting to tell him I remember..." Kate reached for a tissue as a tear ran down her face. "We had a conversation. It was absurd really, two grown people sitting on a swingset in the park. He admitted he was still angry with me, but it felt like he heard what I was saying even though I wasn't saying it out loud. That's how things work with us."

"They don't seem to be 'working' in your favor in this instance. Do you think that might be your problem? That you don't say these things out loud? Perhaps he needs to hear it from you. I highly doubt he's a mind-reader."

XxX

_I'm dreamin out loud,  
><em>_dreamin out loud,  
><em>_and all at once its so familiar it seems,  
><em>_I'm dreamin out loud,  
><em>_dreamin out loud,  
><em>_can't find a puzzle to fit into piece - a part of me_

_-One Republic, "Dreaming Out Loud"_

XxX

"So, what kind of music do you like?" Rick asked his date as they shared a plate of some sort of frou-frou egg roll. He watched as she looked skyward, as if her answer was waiting there. She was surely taking her time to think.

"I like all the biggies. Y'know, Bieber, Gaga, Adele."

"No oldies then? Like The Rolling Stones or even standards like Etta James?"

"I've heard of the Stones, but the lead singer isn't very good. And is Etta James like Aretha?"

He sighed inwardly. "Well, not really. How about Arcade Fire?"

"They're okay. I think they're a little pretentious though." She giggled a little, as if she was sure he'd agree.

He tried to pay rapt attention and studied her face. 'Hmm. No furrowed brow when she was pondering. Brow furrows are so cute. Like Kate's is, even when she's angry. Kate - No. No. Get it together, Rick.'

"Ricky? Hullo?"

"Pretentious?" Rick asked, looking for clarification. He had no idea where she came up with 'pretentious'.

She answered, "Yeah. You know? Like, they pretend to have all this tension in their lives. All angsty."

He tried to stop himself, but he couldn't. His eyes widened and he almost felt like crying. A man who worked with words for a living was dating a woman with a crippled vocabulary. Tragic really. But he couldn't argue with his logic, she was definitely uncomplicated. Kate would see the irony. Dammit! Stop that Castle - no... Rick. He was even thinking in her voice now. Her beautiful, lyrical, sexy voice.

Rick jerked himself back to the conversation. "I guess I see what you mean. Angsty, yeah." He wondered if that sounded convincing.

"I kinda like happy songs. I don't want to have feelings when I'm driving around with the radio up."

"Of course not. I can see where that'd be a problem." Rick countered. 'I bet you don't feel smart when you drive.' He thought. 'Or ever really. No, wait, that's wrong. I bet you _do_ feel smart - nobody else agrees with you.'

Maybe I'm being too hard on her. Poor woman probably can't help herself. I mean, I _am_ ruggedly handsome after all. I can be fairly distracting. I wanted to find the polar opposite of Kate, and I guess I can't complain now. She's sweet, and charming in her own way. And a really good kisser.

He needs that. Just like he told Kate. He needs that right now.

XxX

_I want a woman that knows her own mind  
><em>_That says whatever  
><em>_Let's have a good time, have a good time  
><em>_Why make it harder than it already is  
><em>_When you can have it, have it like it is  
><em>_Uncomplicated_

_-Rodney Atkins, "Uncomplicated"_

XxX

After their date, he drove her to her hotel and walked her to her room.

He really thought he wanted uncomplicated. Jacinda was uncomplicated. But - ultimately, he's a writer. He solves mysteries. He wants mysteries - particularly the ones he can't solve. The only one he's never been able to solve. He's a one muse writer.

"Jacinda" "Rick" They said simultaneously.

"You first, Rick."

He sighed. "You know I like you, right?"

"Sure."

"It's true, I do. But I'm not sure it's fair to you if we continue this."

"No. I get it. We had fun."

"Yeah. We did. Thank you for that, I needed it, but right now, I don't know what I need anymore. I really am sorry."

"It's all good. You like that sassy detective"

"I don't - It's not -" He sighed. "What makes you say that?"

"Besides the fact that you speak about her a lot and keep zoning out when we talk?"

He had the decency to look guilty. "Truthfully, it's complicated. That phrase is so worn out it's not funny, but there are no other words that make sense."

"I get it. I'm the rebound girl. Been there, done that. Actually, you're the rebound guy right now too."

"Oh?" Oh. Well this was a new development. Bumped his ego down a few notches.

"I had a pretty serious thing back in Vegas. We'd been seeing each other for a couple of years, but I guess he needed something different too."

"You deserve better. Better than him, _and_ better than me. If it makes you happier, you really helped me get my head together when I was stumbling. I probably would have self-destructed if I hadn't met you."

"That's sweet, Ricky. But we both know you'd have been okay in the end. Besides, no matter what you think, I'm sure you can work things out with your cop-lady." She smiled and winked at him. "I mean, how could she resist you?"

"Apparently really well."

"Her loss then. Want me to give her some of the gory details? Nothing like jealousy to keep things fresh."

"You might have a point there. But I'm not sure it would do any good." He shook his head a little, thinking back on Serena and Sophia - Oh and Natalie. 'Huh. Smarter than I gave her credit for. I should know never to judge a book …'

"It's been fun, hon. I hope I see you on the next flight to Vegas."

"Same here. In a different world, I think we would've had something really special, Jacinda." He brushed her cheek with his thumb, then dropped his hand. She went into her room and left him in the hallway, watching the door close behind her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** Well, we're at the end of chapter two. I think I speak for both Docnerd89 and myself when I say we're totally blown away with all the hits/alerts we've gotten so far. We appreciate each one of you reading this._

_Docnerd89: What she said. Thanks for sticking with us. Leave us a note._

_I'd be good with that too ;-)_

_Also, we're trying to fit things into the current timeline, but we'll deviate a little. Hopefully it won't bother y'all too much._

_Docnerd89: Marlowe **always** (hehehe) surprises us, so we could randomly go way off the mark. Ignore it/accept it. All the songs make sense._

_If only they could see our outline. That train has already been derailed, but I think we're keeping it together okay._

_Docnerd89: On a separate but related note. I'm re-christening Ryan. He is now Kevin 'The Cockblocker' Ryan._

_I saw his tweet - he even renamed himself that!_

_Docnerd89: Boyo got it right. ;)_

_Agreed. Well, there you have it! Chapter two ready for you guys - chapter three to come. Deep breaths... Adam Baldwin will be here before you know it!_

_Docnerd89: *Happy grunt*_


	3. Chapter 3

…

...

_I'm a liar  
><em>_It's my secret no one knows  
><em>_I'm a liar  
><em>_Yeah, I know it doesn't show_

_No, I don't miss you anymore  
><em>_No, I don't think of you  
><em>_It's such a game to seem adored  
><em>_No, I don't love you anymore_

_- 8mm, "Liar"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road <strong>**to ****Always****: ****Chapter**** 3**

Kate was sitting at her desk, just like any other day. She was thinking about getting her caffeine fix from the coffee machine that he bought, just like any other day. And just like any other day, it'd spit and hiss at her. Maybe the cappuccino machine was channeling Castle? She looked over to see where and what the boys were up to, just like any other day. She stared at Castle's chair - his empty chair, and that - that was not like the days she'd become accustomed to. She sighed deeply.

Where was he? It's been days since they'd seen him, days since he'd brought her a morning cup of freshly brewed kiss - uh - coffee. He was still being distant, still being - she doesn't even know. He was being a jackass. He was being a jackass and she didn't know why, couldn't think of any good reason but it must have been something she'd done, right? Otherwise, - well, there is no otherwise. It's either that or it's a blank.

She wishes; hopes against hope, that she can just shout "Alakazam Jackass" again, and that things will magically go back to the way they should be - the way _he_ should be. He believes in stuff like that, right? Magic and fairy tales and Santa Claus. And he made her believe in it too, but lately it's like he's forgotten. She needs to remind him; needs him to know that he's finally made her believe in happily ever after and that she wants it with him. She finally wants to be the princess with the beautiful Castle. Ugh, did she really just think that?

She thought he wanted to be her Prince Charming. It used to annoy her, but now she misses it. Where is the guy that makes sure she doesn't skip meals, goes home to sleep, doesn't lose herself in a case? I guess some of those old adages are true, because she _does_ miss him when he's gone. She couldn't even conceive of that thought three years ago, and yet - here it is, staring her in the face. She needs him.

When did her thoughts get so maudlin? No. No more. She needs to buck up. If he's being all dark and brooding, then she needs to start being the light. If she has to be the knight in shining armour in their story, coming to rescue him on her black stallion - or her totally awesome Harley - then that's what she'll do, dammit! Kate Beckett is no princess - no, wait; Kate Beckett is a _warrior __princess_, and it looks like she has a war to wage.

While she's building various strategies to tear down the castle's walls - Castle's walls - so she can get back on the right side, her mind wanders back to her conversation with Burke. He pushed her to be more vocal with Castle, to talk to him. But could she do it? It's not really something that's in her wheelhouse.

XxX

She walked over to her desk only to see a brown leather jacket stretched across Castle's back. His gorgeous, handsome canvas for a back. He was sitting in 'his' chair. He got up to greet her, a coffee in each hand.

"Hey! Castle, what are you doing here?" She was pleasantly surprised and she knew that she was grinning like a fool, but she couldn't stop herself. She couldn't stop the emotion shooting through every nerve, surging through her veins and making itself known on her face - and maybe she didn't want to stop it anymore.

"I just haven't seen you in a few days, thought I'd drop by - see how you're doing." He handed her one of the cups. Their fingertips touched, and she felt a tiny jolt of electricity.

"Thank you - that's so sweet. Umm, I'm great... actually. The trial prep is going really well, I've been getting home at a decent hour, and... it's great to see you." She walked around to her chair as he sat down again. It felt good to see him there, where he belongs.

"It's good to see you too." He paused for a beat and tried to hide the sincerity behind his statement. It needed to stay hidden, just like the rest of him. "Hey listen, you know anything about this 'gang cop', Slaughter?"

Kate's shoulders sagged. "The severed heads homicide? That's why you're here?"

"Ah, no - I mean, just since you're busy prepping for the trial I just thought I'd look into this Slaughter guy - get a sense of who he is for the background, research the... the..." he switched tacks. "unless that's a problem?"

"No, not a problem." She set down the coffee - for some reason she'd lost her desire for a sip. She turned to walk towards Gates' office.

"Great. So - where would I find him?"

"Wherever the body is?"

She directed Castle to Esposito. If he wanted to know anything about that ruthless son of a bitch, he wasn't going to get it from her. Esposito could deal with this jackass-version of Castle. Kate didn't have patience for him right now. Especially after he ruined her morning coffee. He didn't even let her have that.

At this rate, Kate would never find the right time to work things through with Castle. How on earth would they be able to move on if they never got their timing right? Being in sync worked for them, being - whatever they're being right now is messing things up. They've both had their fair share of messes in life and they don't need to add this to the list. She's got to fix it, but how?

Kate's mind chugged away. She needed a plan, but every time she comes up with one it gets screwed up. Stupid Burke, why does he keep talking her into making herself vulnerable? She should know by now that it comes back to bite her in the ass every time. She decided to visit Dr. Burke again - he had a lot to answer for.

XxX

"I thought that the two of us were actually getting _closer_ together, and now it seems like he's just pulling away." She'd stormed into his office and it probably wasn't polite, but she wasn't aiming for polite. She couldn't even keep her gestures confined.

"Have you asked him why?"

"Yes. And he said 'oh everything is fine'." Kate couldn't help but imitate him. Mock him. He's making such a mockery of it all. It wasn't fair.

"What makes you think it isn't?"

"Because he's acting like a complete jackass." Kate saw Burke blink, shocked at her tone. She was practically yelling at this point, but it was warranted. At least, she thought it was. "He shows up at the precinct with these bimbos hanging on his arm - and now he's running around with another cop."

"Is this other cop a woman?"

"No... _no_." She got frustrated with him. "Why... why would you even ask that? That's not even the point. The point is I don't understand why he's acting like this. I mean... what did I do?"

"Well, maybe from his point of view - the question is 'what _didn__'__t_ you do'?"

"Wait, what? What do you mean?" Why did he have to keep talking in circles? Following him was making her head spin. Like she didn't have enough of that already.

"When you were shot, Castle said that he loved you. How long ago was that?"

It seemed like they talked about that moment every time she saw him. "Seven months ago, but I wasn't ready to hear that then."

He spoke over her last few words. "What do you think he's telling you with his behavior?"

She replied haltingly. "That maybe... he's not there anymore? That maybe he's not ready?" A sinking feeling was invading her brain as she thought about it. She could see the role-reversal and it struck her like a ton of bricks how horribly difficult it must have been for him. He'd been waiting, she'd been healing and then - poof.

He gave her a slight nod. Kate sighed and plopped down on the arm of the leather chair.

"What if I waited too long." It seemed like that should be a question, but when she said the words aloud they were more like a statement.

"You weren't waiting, Kate. You were healing." Oh, so he's still on her side. Good to know.

"Yeah but in the meantime, he's moved on."

"Or, he's protecting himself by not taking more emotional risks."

Protecting himself. It makes sense, but isn't that her 'thing'? Has she turned him into her shadow in more ways than one? She'd been the one with one foot out the door. Now that she's ready to get inside and shut it behind them, he's decided to squeeze through the gap and escape? "So then what do I do?"

He thought for a second, then raised his eyebrows at her. "What do you _want_ to do?"

She's never seen him pout, and it kind of threw her off, but so did his question.

"I want to show him that I was worth the wait."

She did. She wanted to convince Castle not to give up on her. She wasn't going to _let_ him give up on her. She needs to stick with her plan - convince him she's worth it.

XxX

_Because of you_  
><em>I find it hard to trust<em>  
><em>Not only me, but everyone around me<em>  
><em>Because of you, I am afraid<em>

_I watched you die, I heard you cry_  
><em>Every night in your sleep<em>  
><em>I was so young, you should have known<em>  
><em>Better than to lean on me<em>

_You never thought of anyone else_  
><em>You just saw your pain<em>

_- Kelly Clarkson, "Because of You"_

XxX

She spoke with Lanie on the phone, and they decided to have a chat in person. Kate could use a change of scenery, and there was no place like the morgue to make that happen. Alexis might be there too, maybe she could shed some light on what was happening.

Before she could talk to Lanie, she saw Castle's daughter coming out of the office - as usual, it looked like she was in the middle of a thousand things - holding a clipboard and jamming a pen behind her ear.

"Hey Alexis!" She called out to the younger Castle.

"Oh hi detective Beckett. Lanie's back there, I can go get her for you if you'd like."

"Actually, I'd love to talk to you."

"Oh! Oh?" Alexis said, fairly confused.

"I just - are you okay?"

"Umm. Yes?" She was growing more confused by the second.

"Right, right." Kate said while bobbing her head a couple of times. "And everything's okay at home too?"

"Yeah. As far as I know. Uh - why? Have you - Did - Is dad okay?" She was starting to get concerned.

Kate cut her off before she got any farther in that line of questioning. "No. Yes! I mean, yes he's okay. But he's been acting weird lately, so I was just wondering, you know, if everything was okay", she finished lamely.

"Now that you mention it..." Alexis hesitated, unsure whether to continue. "He's hurting. He's reverted back to how he was before he met you, and I'm pretty sure it's because of what happened at the precinct.

Now they were getting somewhere. But - at the precinct? What happened at the precinct? "What do you mean?"

"I overheard him and grams talking about you - just after they came back from the bomb site a couple of weeks ago. He was trying to reassure her that he could still work with you after what had happened, and that his work at the 12th was important to him."

So she was kind of right. It was something she did, somewhere during that case.

"Do you know what happened? What they were talking about? Because I want to be honest with you, I haven't got a clue."

"Yeah, I - well. I'm not sure it's my place to be talking to you about this."

"But I need to know. It's killing me that I've hurt him and I want to make things right."

Alexis' voice took on a biting tone. "Make things right? That's rich."

Kate didn't understand. What is it with the Castles lately? Changing their demeanor from one second to the next.

"Alexis? I don't know what's going on."

"Oh but you do. Until then, you were the _only_ one that knew. You remember." Kate saw a tinge of red in the girl's cheeks. "He heard you. You told a suspect... a _suspect_, but you couldn't bother to tell him?"

"I remem - " Oh. _Oh__. __Oh __no__._

He was there? She didn't even think about it when it slipped out. She certainly didn't realize that he was there, listening to it all. She was planning on telling him, but not like that.

"He's hurt, Detective. He's hurt because the person that he put his trust in, that he wrote books for - 'cause face it, the first one was for his readers, but the ones that followed were love letters to you - that very person turned out to be a liar." The young girl sighed. "He can't do that again. I've seen him with women that used him, lied to him - he's so open, and it makes him vulnerable to pain as well."

She gasped. It was difficult to hear the truth. It was even more difficult to hear it from Alexis. She had a bigger mess to fix than she'd anticipated.

"Alexis, I need to fix this."

"Fix it? Why? Why do you care? You don't love him back."

Kate looked at her, stunned. "What?"

"That's what he thinks. He thinks that you were too embarrassed to tell him outright that you don't love him. I can see where he's coming from. Do you want to work this out so he'll have your back, be your partner? 'Cause I'm not sure that'll _ever_ happen again."

She needed Castle to know. She needed all the Castles to know.

"No."

"No?"

"This isn't about the books anymore." She parroted Castle's statement. "It's not even about us working together."

"Then what is it about?"

"It's about us."

"What do you mean by 'us'? There is no 'us' like that when it comes to you and dad."

"I mean, you were right, Alexis. You're right. I'm a liar. I've been lying to him - and for even longer, I've been lying to myself. I'm sick of all the lies. I think it's _past_ time that I told him the truth."

"And what might the truth be?"

She took a deep breath and looked Alexis in the eye before continuing. "I love him. I'm in love with Richard Alexander Rodgers Castle."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** Okay, so don't sue us if this doesn't happen Monday night. We're using a bit of the sneak peek stuff and imagining how awesome it might be... *drifts off*_

_Docnerd89: Don't sue us if it does. , this is pure fiction. About fiction. Cause we're cool like that._

_So meta of you. ;-)_

_Docnerd89: I'm all about the meta ;)_

_You're a virtual 'Community' episode._

_Docnerd89: Ooooh! Can I be Abed?_

_Okay, as long as I can be Troy. *does their weird salute*_

_Docnerd89: Course, course! *grins and tilts head and makes creepy eyes*_

_LOL just don't become Pierce. *shudder*_

_Docnerd89 is too busy shuddering to type._

_On a more topical note - I think I speak for both of us when we say we're thrilled when we see all the subs and favorites. Thank you so much for reading. And can it be Monday already? I need me some Adam Baldwin._

_Docnerd89: She speaks well for the both of us. Aaaaand, *shouts* CASEY! :D._

_I'm hoping to see a cross between Casey and Jayne. He looks good in Nathan's leather jacket too._

_Docnerd89: Yeaaaah. *happy sigh*_

_So, shall we say bye bye to the pretty readers now?_

_Docnerd89 waves and sends kissbeams*_


	4. Chapter 4

**...**

**...**

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell  
><em>_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell  
><em>_Where can you run to escape from yourself?  
><em>_Where you gonna go?  
><em>_Where you gonna go?  
><em>_Salvation is here_

_- Switchfoot, "Dare you to move"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always Chapter 4<strong>

"What do you mean by 'us'? There is no 'us' like that when it comes to you and dad." Alexis spat the words at Kate.

"I mean, you were right, Alexis. You're right. I'm a liar. I've been lying to him - and for even longer, I've been lying to myself. I'm sick of all the lies. I think it's past time that I told him the truth."

"And what might the truth be?"

She took a deep breath and looked Alexis in the eye before continuing. "I love him. I'm in love with Richard Alexander Rodgers Castle."

"AAAAAAHHH!" A cadaver on a gurney came pelting towards Alexis and Kate, making them both scream.

"Lanie Parish!" Kate and Alexis yelled in unison, and Kate said, "Are you trying to give us a heart attack?"

"Did I hear what I think I heard? Did you just use the 'L' word?"

Kate's face flushed and she rolled her eyes at her best friend. "Yeah Ms. Nosy, that's what you heard."

Alexis stood nearby, whether still in shock from Kate's revelation or Lanie's absurdly loud yelling, she didn't know. "So you _do_ love my dad?"

"I do. I wasn't willing to admit it to him, or even myself, but your father knows how to push my buttons. Now I know it's because he thinks I don't care, but wow - I had no idea it would affect me this much. I really hate seeing him with someone else, especially someone that doesn't deserve him."

Alexis couldn't believe what she was hearing. "And you think you do?"

Kate took a minute to absorb the girl's words. "I had no idea you were this mad at me, Alexis. I don't know if I deserve him anymore - not after how I've treated him, but I really want to be what he needs. I've been trying to be... more."

Lanie was silently watching as Kate explained to Alexis. She didn't even think she could explain it to herself. It was making her strangely proud.

"More? I'm not sure what you mean by 'more'." the younger girl was puzzled by Kate's choice of words.

"It's complicated. Your father and I use that phrase a lot." Kate smiled. "I know I ignored everybody over the summer," she glanced apologetically at Lanie, "and I'm still trying to make up for that. My first step was going to your father to explain some things. I'm amazed at how angry he was - is - at me, but after his signing we managed to talk a few things through. We sat on a swingset in the park, pretty apt really - when you remember it's Castle we're talking about. Anyway, we sat on these swings and discussed what had happened. I'm ashamed to admit that I still had to dance around and be evasive. I wasn't ready to come clean with him. So I told him that I wanted to be more - more of a person, get my mother's death behind me so I could start being the person I wanted to be. So I'd be ready for the kind of relationship I wanted."

Kate took a beat to decide how to continue, "I thought things were going great, and I was working on getting better - I really was - I even went back to my therapist."

"You did?" Lanie piped up for the first time in their conversation.

"Yeah." She nodded and took a deep breath before forging on. "Yeah, I did. For my whole life, my mom's case has defined me. It was your father who first told me that I was more than that - or, well, he wasn't the first. He was just the first person I really listened to I guess."

Alexis nodded. "Then I don't understand. If you love him too, what are you waiting for? Why haven't you told him?"

"There were a whole series of events actually. At first there was Josh."

Both Lanie and Alexis cringed.

"Okay, I know - none of you guys really liked him. But he was nice. I thought maybe we could make it work, but I was fooling myself. It was just another way to have a relationship with someone I could keep at arms length. I'm used to standing halfway out the door - except with Castle. He's always there, knocking and knocking." She scrunched her mouth in a wry grin. "He shoves his way in everywhere, and that was probably what scared me the most."

"That's true. He can be pushy." Alexis said. Her face was softening. She understood Kate a little better with every word.

"Well, Josh and I parted ways early in the summer, but by then I'd already hidden away so I wouldn't have to deal with anything or anyone. By the time I realized that I'd been out of touch for so long, I felt like it was too late to jump back in like nothing had happened."

"I'm not sure I understand. Why didn't you just tell him you heard him after you and Josh broke up?" The girl looked quizzically at Beckett.

"I guess I thought if I told him, I'd have to confess my own feelings. I forget how patient your father is, especially since he's so wound up most of the time." Kate smiled while thinking about Castle's energy level. "I know now he wouldn't have pushed me."

"So you were scared?" Alexis asked bluntly.

"I was." She nodded. "But it wasn't just that. There were... other things."

"Like?"

Kate took a deep breath and continued, "Like being unsure. He said it when I was dying and I didn't know whether he said it because I was dying or if he said it _then_ because I was dying. Soon enough after we got back together - I don't mean - uh, I mean working together - I realized that he meant it in spite of the circumstances."

"So you thought he might have been caught up in the moment? Like seeing you about to die made him love you? That's just wrong honey." Lanie interjected. "I could've told you _years_ ago he was in love with you - didn't need any confirmation from him."

Kate nodded. "I know", she said softly, "That's the thing. I think I've always known, and I think it's always been a two-way street - I just didn't look."

Lanie noticed the corners of Alexis' mouth start to twitch and she gently elbowed her.

Taking the hint, Alexis gave a full-blown smile and asked Kate, "You really love him?"

"Yeah, Alexis. I really do. You're not mad?"

"Mad? You're the best thing that's happened to him in a long time."

"Well, that makes me feel better. I've always been worried about how you and Martha would feel about me invading your lives. I'm pretty sure loving your dad is a package deal."

"Grams loves you, I do too. And even though it may be hazy right now, so does my father."

Kate's breath hitched. Even _Lanie_ was left speechless - not for long though. "Girl, you've got the green signal. What are you waiting for?"

XxX

_I never saw it happening_

_I'd given up and given in_  
><em>I just couldn't take the hurt again<em>  
><em>What a feeling<em>

_I didn't have the strength to fight_  
><em>Suddenly you seemed so right<em>  
><em>Me and you<em>  
><em>What a feeling<em>

_- Aqualung, "Brighter Than Sunshine"_

XxX

After Kate risked her career to help him even though he'd been foolish enough to go along with Detective Slaughter's investigative decisions, Rick felt himself softening towards her. He wondered if he should try to get back through that forbidden door - or if he should just continue trying to be the best partner he could be. He briefly wondered if the part of his brain that usually reads her signals so well had been temporarily scrambled. What was it that she had said to Slaughter? 'Never gonna happen - land'. Right. Was he there too? Had he always been there? He'd get a headache from all the thoughts crowding his mind. He should just stop with the thinking.

Rick sighed and went home to call it a night.

Rick found his daughter lounging on their couch, reading one of her acceptance letters. "Ah, basking in the glory of _you_?"

"No. Just trying to figure out what to do." She said with a sigh. "Stanford has always been my dream school, but what if their initial rejection was the universe sending me a sign? That I'm better off somewhere else?"

The universe sending her a sign. Huh. He had taught her well; he felt so proud. Wait - not the point.

"Do you think you'd be better off somewhere else?"

She could almost hear the gears turning in her father's mind. Sure, she was asking for herself; sure, she needed his advice about her decision but she was also asking him to make him think about his situation so that maybe she could formulate a plan to help with his decision. Alexis would put money on being able to get help with that.

Oh gosh, now she was starting to sound like him too. About to meddle in someone else's business - but getting them together would be in everyone's interests, right? They were making the people around them miserable. She saw it on her dad's face every day, and echoed in Kate's eyes while they talked at the morgue.

"I dunno. Do you?", he replied.

Does he want to be somewhere else? Surely any place she's not can't be a place where he wants to be. But the fact that he's thinking this - doesn't that mean that he _does_ know? Ugh, the universe needs to give him a break.

He sucked in a deep breath and said, "I dunno either. I guess the question is, do you want it badly enough..." Rick took a second to think then continued, "to get over being hurt?"

That's when he knows it. Rick Castle is no pushover. If the woman has walls that need breaking down, he's going to be the one breaking them. He wants it badly enough - He wants it three-years worth of badly enough and he's not going to stop now. He's ready to 'storm the beaches'; he's ready to 'bring the heat'. He's starting to think like Slaughter, and he can't help but chuckle at himself.

"You know what I think would help with this decision?"

"Ice Cream." they said simultaneously.

XxX

The next morning Alexis had come down from her 'acceptance letter' high. Time to get back to her internship with Doctor Parrish. Maybe she could put a bug in her ear about the subtext laden conversation she had with her dad the night before. Lanie would know what to do with it.

When she arrived at the morgue, she excitedly shared her news with her new mentor.

"Congratulations, girl!" Lanie said while giving Alexis a hug.

"Thanks, Lanie.", she replied with a smile.

"We're all so proud of you! I bet your father's thinking of throwing a big party or something, huh?"

"Actually, I don't think he's all that excited about letting me out of the nest."

"Psh. Don't believe that even for a second. He may be sad that you're growing up so quickly, but he wants what's best for you."

"Well, he hid the letters from me - Grams said he wanted me to see everything together - the good letters with the bad, but I think he was mostly afraid that it means I'll be making the choice to leave home soon. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but he's not fond of being alone."

"Honey, even the stiffs down here have noticed. He pretty much attaches himself to just about anything that moves when he thinks he'll be alone."

Good. Lanie knew where their conversation was going. "Maybe that's why he latched on to that gang-crimes cop. I'm glad it's over... when someone is a bad influence on _my_ _dad_, you just know there's trouble coming."

Lanie chuckled.

"He was talking like he had after he killed off Derrick Storm. He was bored. My dad can get himself into all kinds of trouble when he's bored. When he killed off Derrick, he said that it was because it had become too predictable. There was nothing new. But you see, I don't think that's the case here."

"I don't think so either. I think he's confused."

Alexis nodded. "Now that _she__'__s_ not confused anymore - you'd think they'd be better at working this whole relationship business out. Can't they just solve it like they do with their cases? Build a timeline, gather the evidence, spot the lies."

"I'm glad someone agrees." Lanie said. "We may need to help clear the air between them. Lord knows they've been looking through smog for the last three years."

"I hope it's okay that I'm talking to you about this, I know you're Detective Beckett's friend - and I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you because I'm her partner's daughter."

"Damn right, I'm her friend - and a friend in need, is a friend indeed. Those two need us right now; and they need each other. They just have to see as much." Lanie pressed her lips together in frustration. "The last time I got her to open up with me was when I'd gotten a few glasses of wine in her."

Alexis nodded in understanding. "Yeah, though I think we'll stick with that method just for her. My dad can get a little _too_ open if we take that route with him." She cringed thinking about his past exploits. Just the other morning she saw him after a night with Detective Slaughter. Drool doesn't come out of a leather couch easily. "Besides, something tells me we might not have to intervene too much."

"Well, maybe while we're here working there'll be an opportunity to prod them into action, but for now - let's do some dead body investigating." Lanie patted Alexis on the shoulder and turned towards their silent audience.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** Did y'all enjoy Adam Baldwin and Nathan as much as I did Monday night?_

_Docnerd89: We did. It was AWESOME!_

_it was CastleyFireflyChuckalicious_

_Docnerd89: I loved his character and even more so, I loved what the presence of his character has done for our two morons._

_hehe! Talk about an instigator. I'll never look at a bowl of peanuts the same way again._

_Docnerd89: LOL!_

_Castle looked terrified for the entire hour. Nice to see him out of his element and not angry._

_Docnerd89: It's funny that Beckett was more badass than Slaughter. But he's more afraid of Slaughter than her. Well, he's not afraid of her cause he's in love with her - nevermind._

_And he knows she's on the side of goodness and justice. That's what he loves about her. I was gonna say honest, but not so much._

_Docnerd89: He loves everything about her, and so do we. And she loves him. Glad they're on the same smudged up page now._

_Or at least getting there. Another week off next week though. *cry*_

_Docnerd89: Stupid hiatuses._

_Two more episodes! Who's voting for them to do it already? *raises hand*_

_Docnerd89: *Raises both hands. And both legs. Basically doing yoga.*_

_TMI Partner... TMI._

_Docnerd89: What? I'm decent. *Cough*_

_I'm never decent... and you know that. On another note, I've been slacking on my writing duties this week, but I'm hoping we can get another chapter out sooner rather than later. So, I hope you stay with us! Thanks for all the hits / subs / faves / comments / feedback / etcetera. :-)_


	5. Chapter 5

...

...

_In the desert of my dreams I saw you there_  
><em>And I'm walking towards the water steaming body cold and bare<em>  
><em>But your words cut loose the fire and you left my soul to bleed<em>  
><em>The pain that's in your truth deceiving me has got me scared<em>  
><em>Through your eyes the strains of battle like a brooding storm<em>  
><em>You're up and down these pristine velvet walls like focus never forms<em>  
><em>My walls are getting wider and my eyes are drawn astray<em>  
><em>I see you now a vague deception of a dying day<em>

_Sarah McLachlan, "Vox"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always Chapter 5<strong>

_Kate couldn't understand why he was acting the way he was. She thought that what she had done had been enough. She thought that once he'd seen the sacrifice she was willing to make - her job was her everything, didn't he know? - that he would come around. He looked like he would come around, but no. He was still being cold. His eyes were still a cold, icy blue - not the crystal blue that she lo... yeah._

_Castle turned to her and said, "This is the end of the road. The end of our story."_

_Kate fought to hold her tears in, "No more Nikki Heat?"_

_He chuckled. He chuckled? She couldn't believe it. He said, "No, Nikki Heat will continue. I've done enough research to last a lifetime. I can keep writing until her story is over. I think it's time to stop play-acting with you. I'm not a cop - that's your job."_

_She turned away, nodding and sniffed softly so that he wouldn't hear her and repeated his lines from what seemed like long ago, "It's not about the books anymore. That's what you said."_

_"Yeah, well, the books are all I have left, Beckett."_

_Did she detect a strangled hitch to his voice, or was that just her imagination? "If that's what you think, Castle, then maybe you're right." She turned from him fully and walked away. But she didn't make it too far before she turned to look back, to see if he'd follow her - she hoped that he'd just follow her, as always. He was striding off in the other direction._

Kate was glad to hear the alarm go off. She hardly ever had to wait for the harsh ringing, but her dream hadn't allowed her to escape from it. She pushed herself to get out of bed and to the bathroom. Steam rose up from the shower stall after she turned the handle to get the water closer to molten than from iceberg.

A hot shower usually worked wonders to rouse her from her depressive stupor, but she secretly hoped Castle would be back with a coffee, and this time without questions about other detectives. Kate wanted her partner back.

XxX

By the time Kate made it to work, she had a mountain of paperwork to get through. All the stuff left over from the trial, not to mention the backlog of witness statements and incident reports to submit. She sighed and started to reduce the size of the piles sitting on her desk.

"Here are some of the evidence reports from the courts, they came in this morning." Kevin smiled weakly and put the papers on her once-dwindling inbox.

"Really, Ryan? Like I don't have enough to do already. Shouldn't you and Espo be getting some inter-office envelopes ready to stuff or something? Or are you too busy arguing over Gale vs. Peeta?"

"You don't have to get snippy, Beckett. You and Castle have been in weird moods lately. Anything we should know about?" Espo called to her from his desk after hearing the interchange between his co-workers.

"There's probably lots that _I_ should know about, Espo, but I don't. So, no.", she replied.

"He's finished with the Slaughter thing, right? He'll be back as soon as we get a new case. I think that guy cured him of his boredom. He was a piece of work - and he made Castle look kinda girly." Kevin smirked when he thought about their tag-along almost-partner walking into the bullpen with a tissue up his nose. "We should really make sure he gets some hand-to-hand training."

Just as Ryan finished his sentence, the phone on Kate's desk jangled. "Beckett.", she said sharply. She got out a pen and her notepad, and took down some information. "Okay - on our way."

"We got a body, Beckett?", Espo questioned, seeming eager to get outside and do something productive.

"Yup. Body drop - candy shop in the Lower East-Side."

"Ooooh!", Ryan said enthusiastically, "that is definitely Castle flavored. _Castle_ _flavored_. Candy... flavored..." He let the sentence trail off when he saw the bemused looks on his colleagues' faces.

Esposito rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Bro - "

"I'm just about to call him. I think it's right up his alley. Maybe he won't be in such a _sour_ mood." She smirked, and watched Espo cradle his head in his hand. Kate dialed her cell as she grabbed her jacket and followed her partners to the elevator.

"Rick Castle... how may I serve you?", he answered jovially, sounding more like himself than he had in a while.

"On a dessert tray", she answered.

He nearly died. The images. Oh, the images. He'd missed their banter, but he reminded himself that he couldn't get sucked in. It didn't mean he couldn't be slightly happy on the inside though.

She waited for his response, but apparently it wasn't coming any time soon, so she went on, "We've got a body in a candy store, Castle. You interested? Or do you have someone else to follow for the week?"

"Uh - no. No. No one else to follow. Tell me where and I'll be there."

After she rattled off the address, and the three of them got off the elevator and walked through the lobby of the precinct, Esposito asked her, "Is he coming?"

She smirked. "Yeah."

"We're unleashing a nine year old who's already on a sugar rush, on a candy store.", Ryan paused to rub his hands together, "This is going to be fun."

XxX

_Sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey  
><em>_Your first sweet kiss thrilled me so  
><em>_Sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey  
><em>_I'll never ever let you go_

_If you wanted that star that shines so brightly_  
><em>To match the stardust in your eye<em>  
><em>Darling, I would chase that bright star nightly<em>  
><em>And try to steal it from the sky<em>

_The Searchers - "Sweets For My Sweet"_

XxX

He saw the charming storefront as he arrived. 'The Sweet Life' was spelled out on a cheerful awning across the doorway.

Beckett glanced at his hands and looked away trying to hide her grimace when she didn't see the customary coffee cup. It didn't hurt. Nope. Not - a - bit. Maybe if she kept telling herself that, she'll believe it.

He'd noticed of course. He never missed a signal. Okay, he admitted, not true. Recently there were all kinds of mixed, missed, or crossed signals. But it was too late right now to run and get her a caffeine fix. Maybe later.

"What do we have today?", he asked no one in particular.

Esposito replied, "Death by chocolate."

"Or more correctly, death by jawbreaker.", Ryan corrected as they all made their way inside.

"He broke his jaw while chewing too much candy and then died?", Castle asked in disbelief. "No, wait... that wouldn't be murder."

"No, I mean literally, 'death by jawbreaker'. See for yourself.", Ryan replied.

Lanie straightened up as they approached her and told them, "Cause of death is asphyxiation. Weapon of choice, as Ryan pointed out, is a jawbreaker. A massive jawbreaker."

"Actually," the man behind the counter interjected. "it's called an _enormous_ jawbreaker."

Beckett glared at him and asked the M.E., "So, how do we know that it's a murder and that the victim didn't just accidentally choke on it?"

"See these bruises over here?", she asked as she pointed to the faint blue-gray patches near the angle of the victim's jaw, "Whoever murdered the poor guy made sure that the jawbreaker stayed in place, keeping the kid's jaw closed. He probably also pinched the vic's nose shut.

"Esposito, what do we know about this guy?", Beckett asked.

"Twenty four year old, only recently graduated from art school. Name's Jamie Bucket."

"Bucket? Like the kid in Willy Wonka?" Castle sniggered.

Kate admonished him, but was biting back her own grin. "Go on, Espo."

"Right - Jamie Bucket, lives a block from here, regular visitor to the shop. The store owner says that he'd locked up last night so Jamie must've broken in."

"Bucket and/or the killer must have broken in.", Castle corrected him.

"Do they have surveillance?", Beckett asked.

Ryan replied promptly, "They have cameras in the store, but they're turned off after the store closes. We can take a look to see if he'd been here earlier in the day."

Rick was still musing, in his own little world. "I should really watch that movie again. The Gene Wilder one, it's the only one worth watching."

Kate listened to him as he mumbled softly to himself. He was still a bit stand-offish, but at least there was a glimmer of the old Castle. "Okay, you guys try to find out what you can about Jamie, we'll go talk to the parents. Let's go, Castle."

"Yeah, sure. Hey, uh, could you go ahead, I'll join you later at the precinct.", he said hurriedly.

"Okay, Castle. Suit yourself.", she said testily, and walked towards her Crown Vic. She realized she had shut the door with a little more force than usual. Kate thought she was letting him get to her, and she'd have to curtail that feeling.

XxX

_All my world in one grain of sand  
><em>And I've blown it<br>__All my world in one grain of sand  
><em>_And you own it__

_Black cherry, black cherry, stone_  
><em>Black cherry, black cherry<em>

_Excite me, ignite me_  
><em>Oh and you know<em>  
><em>I miss you, I kiss you<em>  
><em>Oh and you know<em>

_Black cherry, black cherry, stone_  
><em>Black cherry, black cherry<em>

_Goldfrapp - "Black Cherry_

XxX

He waited till she was gone and then went back into the store. He was glad that she'd gone already, or he would have been tempted to make a remark about the sign by the register that said 'anything can be dipped in chocolate'. Apparently it was the store's motto.

Once he located the owner, Castle sweet-talked him into selling some - and by some, he meant a lot - of the merchandise that was a safe distance away from the crime scene tape. Heh, 'sweet-talked' - so many jokes, so little time. He took care in selecting the variety of items, snickering as he saw the choices he'd made. Now he only needed to decide whether to gift wrap it or not.

When he got back to the precinct, she was already leaning against her desk, looking at the murder board. He offered her a coffee cup, and placed the bag with the rest of the goodies on his chair.

She realized that something was different about the cup and looked at him questioningly. He just smiled and shrugged. When she opened the lid, she saw an assortment of candies. "Castle, what's this?", she asked, trying to contain her grin.

"It's in lieu of your regular order. You still get your caffeine fix. This the 'New York assorted bean mix'.", he said with a smile.

Kate blinked. "Oh. You bought me chocolate."

He pulled out a clear bag and handed it to her as well. "And here's some gummy cherries. Now I gotta give out the rest of these."

She smiled and took the little bag, "Thanks, Castle, I'll save these for later."

"Good. I'm glad you like them. But they're not a substitute for lunch, Beckett."

She watched as he got out a couple of bags and put them on the corner of her desk. He opened one and pulled out one of the multi-colored licorice laces - popping it partially in his mouth. He chewed on the end as he furrowed his brow while pawing through the rest of the items.

Kate noticed each package he pulled out had a gold gift tag with someone's name on it. He carried a few of them in his arms as he let the strand of candy dangle from his mouth.

"I got you some gummy army men, Espo." Castle flicked the corner of the package at him with his fingers while he juggled the rest of the items. "And some 'healthy' fried eggs for you, Ryan."

Ryan laughed, "Thanks, Castle. I doubt Jenny would think candy eggs are 'healthy' though." He opened the bag and pulled out one of the gummy eggs and wiggled it as he held it in front of his eyes. He shrugged, popped it into his mouth, and chewed happily. "Dun taysh like eggs. Thank goodnesh."

Beckett rolled her eyes.

Castle leaned over to talk to Rysposito in a conspiratorial tone. "I got some gummy killer sharks for Gates, should I just leave them on her desk when she's out?"

"If you want to be shark bait bro, that's on you.", Esposito said as he and Ryan backed off slowly.

"If I wait till she goes out, maybe she won't know it's from me?"

"Yeah sure. Because it's likely that anyone else is capable of said crime.", Beckett interjected, overhearing the men's conversation.

"Crime? It's candy!", he said indignantly.

"Our murder weapon was a giant piece of candy.", she replied.

"Enormous.", Ryan chimed in, earning him one of the dreaded 'Beckett looks'.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** More fluff! Speaking of which, now I want some chocolate covered marshmallows. That candy shop's website was mouth-watering._

_Docnerd89: All of it looked incredible!_

_It was like the shop was made just so we could write this part of the story... I mean, gummy cherries, army men, and chocolate-coffee candy?_

_Docnerd89: I know, right? Fits perfectly! P_

_And I had to put in a reference to Willy Wonka - it HAS to be one of Castle's favorite movies, right?_

_Docnerd89: I think so..._

_We decided to stop there, but we have plans to continue and have another chapter up before Monday. (I say plans hoping we'll be able to synch up together)_

_Docnerd89: Hopefully it should work out. Stupid timezones and real life._

_So our lovely readers... stay tuned. Keep your eye on the inbox. Yell at us on twitter. Oh yeah, and listen to the 'Storming the Castle' podcast for more gooey-sweet fanfic treats! *gratuitous plug*_

_Docnerd89: I love it! Though I may be a tad partial_

_Just another reason why I lurrrrve you mah dear._

_Docnerd89: And I lurrrve you back!_

_Yay! And we both love all of you, right?_

_Docnerd89: Fosho. See you all really soon, I hope. Drop us a line, we love hearing from you all._


	6. Chapter 6

…

...

_I play Dungeons and Dragons_  
><em>I got a 13th level Halfling fighter thief<em>  
><em>Got seven hit die on my backstab<em>  
><em>Sometimes you know it's good to be a geek.<em>

_It's good to be a geek_  
><em>It's good to play the freak<em>  
><em>It's good to comb my mullet once every other week<em>  
><em>As far as I can see<em>  
><em>It's good to play the Wii<em>  
><em>Then stay up painting miniatures 'till two or three<em>  
><em>'Cause no one ever...<em>

_Ninth grade is when I got the swirlie_  
><em>Tenth grade is when I got the Indian burn<em>  
><em>Four years of continuous wedgies<em>  
><em>Wore nine pairs of briefs so they could all get a turn<em>  
><em>Someday I'll buy a fancy condo<em>  
><em>Someday I'll drive a car that's worth more than your house<em>  
><em>Someday you'll kiss my ass<em>

_Deaf Pedestrians - "Hail to the Geek"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always Chapter 6<strong>

"What did you guys find out?", Beckett asked them.

"Jamie Bucket graduated from art school a couple of years ago, and he's been working in CGI since then. Had a couple of jobs before this one; currently he's with 'Pyxidis' as one of the developers of 'The Realms of Finrood'." Kate almost couldn't keep a straight face while reading the names out. "Hey, Castle, I uh - got us a copy to check out for - research."

"Score! Wait, just one copy? We can't do research with just one copy.", Castle said midway through feeding the birds.

Beckett cleared her throat.

Oh, right. She was still here. Esposito continued, "Ryan's got the surveillance from earlier in the day set up in the conference room, so we'll go through that next."

They all went into the large room and sat around the nicest table in the precinct - which wasn't saying much. Espo grabbed the remote and switched on the screen, then brought up the files containing the video footage from the candy shop.

At the same time, trying to multitask, Castle was going through Jamie's financials. They didn't expect to find much of an anomaly there, but you never know. He suddenly exclaimed, "Woah! This guy was paid well. Good dough, right here."

"Pyxidis is big, bro. The launch for 'Realms', was close to epic. They even tried to go international, but they had some hitches with that plan. It was still a huge release."

"Trouble in China? I hear that happens a lot with these games." Castle asked.

Javi nodded. "Yeah, China and North Korea. They had to do some work on the creature modeling so the game could be sold there."

"Was he still living with his parents?", Beckett asked as she tried to cut short the gaming talk.

"Not for a while. He'd been sharing an apartment with two of his buddies down in the East Village. One of them, Ryan Ruccolo, works at Pyxidis too, as their lawyer actually. The other, Traylor Reynolds, was an engineer.", Kevin answered. "Gee, Beckett, I didn't think you'd be the one to believe in stereotypes. Just because he's a gamer doesn't mean he lives in his parent's basement." He winked at Beckett as he teased her.

"Hmm. Why do those names sound so familiar?", Castle wondered out loud.

"Do you know them?", Esposito asked as he handed Castle their files.

"No. I guess not. Just have this strange sense of deja vu.", he said but shrugged it off as he handed back the files.

They went through the surveillance and found that Jamie did visit the store earlier in the day. He bought a bag full of sweets, just like Castle had, and left inconspicuously. Beckett made a mental note to ask the store owner where he was at the time. After that, she decided to visit the morgue while the guys went through the rest of the footage. "You two, see if you can find anything else on the video after he leaves. Maybe he was followed out?"

"We got this. Although, staring at candy is not my idea of fun. Good thing you got us the snacks, dude."

Castle dipped his head towards the two men, and followed Beckett back into the bullpen.

XxX

"Now that the 'rents are gone, wanna call for a pizza or something?" Esposito asked his partner. He idly flicked the fast-forward button on the remote so that they could watch it at double speed.

Ryan pulled out his cell and called up the local pizza place. Thank goodness they kept previous orders. He didn't even have to type to get the order placed. "Food should be here in a few. I've been tipping the guy more than usual. When Castle buys, they always get here quicker. I figured it was because he throws the delivery guys extra money when he thinks we're not looking."

Javier interrupted him with an elbow to the ribs. "Hey. Lemme roll that back. Those guys seem to be gesturing towards our vic." He rolled the footage back a few seconds and turned up the sound. Even though the quality was always low, they could hear most of the boys' conversation.

_"Wasn't that 'Hydrocket'? I saw him on G4 last week. He was explaining why the 'Realms' patches have been coming out late."_

_"Sure looks like him. Should we get his attention and see if he has any answers? It's frustrating to pay the monthly fee and not be able to play."_

_"Dude, it's like fifty cents a day when you do the math. Is it really that important to you?"_

_The other kid glowered at his friend. "Yeah, it is. Fifty cents is fifty cents." **  
><strong>_

The detectives watched as the group walked with purpose after the soon-to-be-dead Mr. Bucket.

"That kid seemed pretty mad over a video game." Kevin remarked.

"I dunno. I've seen a lot of nerdrage when Castle and I play 'Call of Duty'. When the game is their whole life and every dollar counts, they can get a little tense." Espo rubbed his forehead while he thought about their course of action. "Let's try to get some I.D.s on that group. It won't be easy, but maybe the store owner recognizes them or something."

"You think they could've done that? Killed a guy over a video game?"

"Wouldn't put anything past anyone. Haven't you seen enough working homicide? People do some weird crap."

XxX

_I'll probably be some kind of scientist  
><em>Building inventions in my space lab in space<br>__I'll end world hunger I'll make dolphins speak  
><em>_Work through the daytime, spend my nights and weekends  
><em>_Perfecting my warrior robot race  
><em>_Building them one laser gun at a time__

_I will do my best to teach them_  
><em>About life and what it's worth<em>  
><em>I just hope that I can keep them from destroying the Earth<em>

_Cause it's gonna be the future soon_  
><em>And I won't always be this way<em>  
><em>When the things that make me weak and strange <em>  
><em>get engineered away<em>  
><em>It's gonna be the future soon<em>  
><em>I've never seen it quite so clear<em>

_Jonathan Coulton - "The Future Soon_"

XxX

Castle followed Beckett into the morgue. Lanie was bending over the body with a scalpel in one hand and prodding with the other gloved hand. Without looking up she greeted them, "Remembered me, did you?"

"Aww Lanie, didn't think we'd forget our favorite M.E., did you?", Castle said with a grin.

At this she did look up, with her brows raised in surprise and suspicion.

In answer to her silent question, he placed the gift he'd gotten for her on a nearby, hopefully sterile, table.

"Why is there a box of bandaids on my table, Writer Monkey?"

"Ah, but they're not just any kind of bandaids, Dr. Parish. They're chocolate bandaids."

She actually smiled a little, until he added, "Now, I know you probably kiss away the booboos, but I think you could find a use for these too."

She turned to Kate and asked her, "Did I do something to annoy you? Is this my punishment?"

Kate bit her lip to keep from laughing. She knew, of course, just whose booboos Castle had meant. She coughed and changed the subject. "What do you have for us today, Lanie?"

With one last glare towards Castle, who looked at her innocently, she snorted and changed back into M.E. mode. "T.O.D and C.O.D are approximately what I told you guys already. Other than that, he was in pretty good shape. Maybe his sugar levels were a little high, but since he was a regular at the candy shop, I'd say that's probably normal for him.

He has a healing bruise at the side of his body, just below the ribs, but it's at least a week old. There doesn't seem to have been much of a struggle. But, his fingertips are calloused, and he had batman _bandaids_ on some of his knuckles.", she emphasized the bandaids as if challenging Castle to react. He didn't. Good boy.

Castle said, "Those are probably from all the video game playing."

"Why would he have bandaids on his knuckles?", Beckett asked.

Castle sighed, as if the answer was obvious. "You underestimate the dangers of video games, Beckett. Haven't you seen anyone really immersed in playing the wii? Hands go everywhere!", he said while wildly flailing his arms to make a point.

Kate ducked, trying to stay out of range. "Okay, Castle. You've made your point."

Lanie piped in, "He might be right actually. It doesn't look typical of the bruising you get from throwing punches."

Beckett nodded. "Okay, so all we know is that he played video games a lot, and that he has a week old bruise."

As she said it, Alexis walked in holding a pile of papers and said a quick hello.

Before she ran off again, Castle said, "Hey pumpkin, I got you a treat."

"Dad", she said with shifty eyes, "I'm at work, not school. What do you mean you got me a treat?"

"Oh don't worry. I got some for Lanie too.", he chuckled and handed her a baggie.

"Brains?", Alexis said with a withering look, "Should I be insulted?"

"No! It's a compliment. You're brainy! So I got you some gummy brains."

She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless and thanked him before heading off again.

"Huh. They grow up too fast.", he said a little sadly.

Kate turned to him and said, "Huh, Castle. I thought those would be more fitting for you."

Castle smiled. "Really?"

Beckett smirked and said, "Yeah, I mean, _you__'__re_the one regularly chewing on people's brains. Besides, you could use some more brains." She grinned and added, "Let's go back upstairs, Castle. We'll see if the boys caught anything."

XxX

After they got back to the bullpen, Ryan and Esposito told them what they'd seen. Beckett delegated the task of watching the unedited footage from the G4 summit to Rysposito, while she and Castle would talk to the owner again. The minute Castle heard that they would be going back to the store, he started grinning and rocking on his heels.

"Castle! You only get to come if you promise not to buy more candy."

The way she said it sounded like a mother reprimanding her child.

"But Beeeckettt!", he whined as they made their way to the elevator.

Esposito smirked and said, "And she wonders why we call them mom and dad." He and Ryan fistbumped, while Beckett threatened to hit the 'door close' button. The pair barely make it into the elevator. "Dude. Not cool."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** So - was this chapter up my alley or what?_

_Docnerd89: Completely! This was fun! I mean, it's always fun._

_I'll get you a nerd card yet. Now that I'm about to post this, I feel like firing up WoW and killing a few zombies in preparation for Monday's episode._

_Docnerd89: Do it! Do it! Save the world!_

_(of Warcraft)_

_Docnerd89: Wherever we can. We're saving Caskett here, aren't we?_

_Yeah, yeah. I was just getting into the spirit._

_Docnerd89: May the odds be (ever?) in your favor. Kick some zombie-butt._

_Well, to be honest, I kinda play a zombie, but don't tell Castle that._

_Docnerd89: I don't think Castle would mind. Perlmutter, maybe._

_Truth! I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty psyched, even if the sneak peeks show a little angstiness._

_Docnerd89: I'm psyched. I'm still heavily relying on Stana and Nathan's hints, AWM's quote from LOTR, and the finale title for crying out loud!_

_Don't worry, they'll be together at some point. But you know the summer hiatuses are pretty dismal for our intrepid heroes._

_Docnerd89: Eh. They can take 3 months to get it together. Come back with a bang. *cough* or banging *cough*_

_I like where your head's at my friend. Maybe I won't play my video game tonight. *cough*_

_Docnerd89: AHEM. Do not even go there. TMI_

_I know, I know. I have a tendency to drift to that happy place when I think about Castle. But anyway, back to the Author's Note. Another chapter got posted, and even more of you are reading and adding it to your alerts. Thank you for that!_

_Docnerd89: We appreciate all of you._

_Although... I gotta admit - it's fun to write whether we have readers or not._

_Docnerd89: I concur. Our jam sessions rock!_

_They're legen... wait for it... dary! Legendary! *channeling Barney Stinson*_


	7. Chapter 7

_..._

_..._

_You're all gonna be in this experimental film_  
><em> And even though I can't explain it<em>  
><em> I already know how great it is<em>

_ I already know the ending_  
><em> It's the part that makes your face implode<em>  
><em> I don't know what makes your face implode<em>  
><em> But that's the way the movie ends<em>

_ And in my experimental film_  
><em> Which nobody knows about but which<em>  
><em> I'm still figuring out <em>  
><em> Whose face implodes<em>  
><em> In my experimental film<em>

_They Might be Giants - "Experimental Film"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road <strong>**to ****Always ****Chapter**** 7**

Ryan and Esposito pulled into the parking lot of the New York G4 auxiliary office. "Hello, may I help you gentlemen?" They were greeted by a young man at the front desk.

Kevin flashed his badge. "We need to talk to someone about a convention interview that was broadcast over the weekend. Is there someone here that would have information about that?"

"Sure, let me call and get someone to walk you upstairs. There are a couple of segment producers based here, they could probably help you out."

"Thanks."

They sat down in the waiting area, showing a mild impatience to get upstairs. "Hopefully they'll be able to get in touch with whomever was hosting the convention. I think the company held their annual 'PyxCon' last weekend."

"Javi, just how much do you know about this game?"

"Dude, I play. Not a lot, but enough to see the loading screen. All the company news is there. 'Realms' is badass. Took an arrow to the knee once - the graphics are amazing."

"I learn something new about you every day, bud."

"Guys? Leeann is on her way. She'll take you to see Dave. He's the segment producer for the East coast conventions. He can probably hook you up with the information you need."

"Thanks - we'll meet her at the elevators?" Kevin asked, trying to save as much time as possible. Plus, the conversation he was having with his partner was a little unsettling.

The young man nodded his assent, and the two detectives made their way towards the bank of elevators. One of the doors slid open, and a woman gestured to them to enter. "Hi guys. I'm Leeann. Dave monitored the PyxCon footage last weekend for the East coast feed. He may not have answers to your questions, but he can probably get Chris on the monitors. He hosted and did all the interviews."

"Great. Sounds like just what we needed."

She pushed the button for the floor that housed their production offices. "So you guys are Detectives, huh? What are you investigating?"

"We're with homicide - a Pyxidis employee was murdered yesterday, and we have a bead on some guys that were discussing the interview on your channel with our victim."

"Oh! That's horrible!" Leeann covered her mouth in surprise. "I've never been this close to any kind of investigation, I hate to say this, but it's kind of exciting. I bet you get that all the time."

"Actually no ma'am, we don't. Usually the people we talk to are belligerent. Everyone assumes they're a suspect."

"Um, is anybody here on your short list?"

Esposito smiled at her. "No, not yet at least. We're just here for information. Following up leads, getting facts, working out a timeline... that sort of stuff."

"Good. Although I'm sure we'll cooperate with you on anything you need. We support our men in blue."

The doors opened onto a darkened floor, there were glass walls throughout, and desks surrounded the central area.

"Dave works in the fishbowl, he said to meet him there."

"Fishbowl?" Ryan asked.

Leeann smiled and replied, "Sorry, that's what we call that big area in the middle. It's separated from the rest of the space with glass walls so the guys can see in without bothering the producers. They call it a fishbowl because they feel like they're on display like Koi or something."

"Makes sense. Lead the way, Leeann" Esposito grinned, and Kevin noticed the faint blush that crept across the woman's face. He glanced over at his partner, who tossed back a mocking look.

"Remember? I'm available - they always know." Ryan shared an exasperated sigh at his partner's hushed reply.

Leeann lead them to the center of the large area, where towers of equipment and television screens filled the space. A man stood up and stretched out his hand to the two men.

"Hey. I'm Dave. What can I do for you guys?"

"Well, Leeann told us you monitored the PyxCon footage last weekend?" Dave nodded assent in answer to Kevin's inquiry. "Anything odd happen? And is there any way we can go over any footage you have dealing with a developer named Jamie Bucket?"

"Odd that you mention him. There was a bit of a scuffle during his interview. We had to cut from the live feed to commercials in order to keep it off-air. I'm glad we have a slight delay for that kind of thing, y'know, like if someone swears or something weird happens. Chris Phirman, the guy that does the on-screen interviews, had a fight with the guy, and then there was an argument on the sidelines just afterwards."

"A fight? Mind if we watch that part of the video?"

"No probs. Lemme pull it up for you. Trust me though, the dude deserved it. He kept jabbing at Chris through the whole interview, and he pushed a few too many buttons. People think us nerds can't get angry enough for physical violence, but it's not true." Dave shrugged as he watched the scenes fly by on the screen in front of him. "I remember it was late Friday night - after the doors closed. Chris met with a few of the employees to talk about product delays, to keep it away from the public at the convention. Ah... here it is."

Ryan and Esposito leaned in to see the images on the monitor. Their victim walked up and took a seat across from the host. They saw a few minutes of the interview and they understood what Dave had told them.

_"Hey Jamie! Folks, this is Jamie Bucket, or 'Hydrocket' as he's known by the players. How did things go for you today Jamie?"_

_"Could've gone better to be honest. All everyone asks me about anymore are the patch delays. I can't help it if bugs keep popping up before we can push the updates. You'd think they'd want a playable game instead of crap that'll just need to be fixed again. I can't win - they complain if they don't get new content, and then they complain that it's not good enough when they do get it."_

_"Seems to be standard across the board for most of the multiplayer stuff out there. But the 'Realms' delays are getting a little extra buzz - do you have any idea why?"_

_Jamie sighed. "No, I have no idea. Why can't you guys get off my ass about it? If y'all would just let me do my job instead of jabbering about it, maybe I could get it finished."_

_"Sorry man, It's kinda my job."_

_"Well, your job sucks. I'm getting really upset by having to answer the same questions over and over. No, I don't know why the patches have massive bugs... Yes, I'm fixing them as fast as I can... I'm only human. These kids pay fifteen bucks a month - and I have to listen to everybody telling me that I'm not doing my job." Jamie started pulling at the mic cord attached to his side - trying to pull it off. "I'm tired of taking your shit... Screw you, and screw the people that play."_

_He ripped the microphone off his collar and stood up. The host jumped up and grabbed the man's arm. "Hey wait, let's calm down and talk about this."_

_"I'm done talking. Eff you Chris." Bucket censored himself, apparently hoping his frustration would get airtime if he didn't use the big daddy on camera. He pushed Chris' chest, trying to disengage so he could flee the set._

_Anger flashed on Chris' face as he jerked back. He pulled his arm from Jamie's and with a balled fist, struck him dead center on the man's nose._

_"Dude! I'm bleeding! What the hell?" He left Chris as he turned towards the cameraman and talked to the studios, and walked offscreen._ **  
><strong>

"Wow. That was pretty intense. Is there any way we can speak with that host?"

"Yeah, I can get him on a live feed for you if you give me a couple of minutes. You can hang right here - I just gotta set things up. I think he's in-studio prepping for some wrap-up reports." Dave turned towards the equipment, picking up a headset to chat with his peers on the west coast.

Ryan elbowed Javi. "You think Phirman might have something to do with this?"

"Really? The guy flew out here for a couple of hours last night to shove a jawbreaker down this dude's throat a couple of days after they have a minor scuffle? Somehow I think we can strike him from our list of suspects. That doesn't mean he's completely in the dark though. Gotta follow up any lead we have."

"Makes sense. Didn't think about the guy being so far away. I'm off my game today I guess."

"No worries, bro. Never thought I'd be questioning a witness over a television screen though. Kinda cool. I bet Castle will be jealous."

"Man, this case was just made for him... candy, gaming, technology... too bad he can't clone himself." Kevin chuckled, "You know, as soon as they make it so you _can_ clone yourself, he'll be first in line."

"There are worse people to clone." Espo chuckled back.

Dave interrupted their conversation. "He's putting on his mic now, pulling up the live feed for you."

They watched as Phirman sat in front of the camera, attaching the mic to his shirt. "Hey guys. Dave tells me you want to chat about the scuffle I had with that guy from Pyxidis?"

"Yeah, we don't really care about the fight between you two, although if there's anything you want to tell us, we'll listen. We heard that when he walked off-screen there was a heated conversation between him and another guy."

"Yeah, that's what I was going to tell you. When he left the set, he went back to some of his co-workers. My cameraman saw him start fighting with a guy in a suit. Nobody I was going to interview. Usually the suits are there to keep stuff the devs from leaking anything that's not in the public domain yet. Y'know, lawyers and stuff."

"Is the cameraman there with you now?"

"Yeah. Hey Doug." He gestured towards the edge of the screen. Obviously calling to someone behind the camera that was pointed at himself. "Come around here - there's some cops from New York asking questions about that douche that I punched Friday night."

A man wearing a t-shirt that read "faux paws" over a dog came into the picture. He gave a little wave and sat down next to the host. It was apparent that the second man was a 'behind the scenes' guy. He was scrawny and looked a little worse for wear. "Hi guys. What's up? What'd you need to know about it? I saw the whole thing. Kinda my job."

"Can you tell us about the fight Bucket had offscreen? Who was he talking to, and did you hear any of it?"

"I heard a little. They were fighting about whatever had the dude's panties in a bunch. It was a guy in a suit - slicky-boy type, I agree with Chris, I think he was a lawyer or something. I heard him tell Bucket that Chris' questions were justified. He was upset that the company would get an even worse image if the questions weren't answered." He was scratching what looked to be a three-day growth of patchy whiskers. "There was a little bit of pushing, but then they left the set completely. I think they wanted to take their fight to a more private place."

"Okay, that's all? Nothing else but the on-screen fight between you two and the argument between the two Pyxidis guys afterwards?"

"Yup. Nothing else happened that night. The convention was boring with a capital 'B'."

"Thanks - we'll call you if anything else comes up. Do we need to get Leeann to walk us out?" Espo asked. Wouldn't hurt to do a little more flirting before they had to get back to the precinct.

Dave turned off the monitor. "Nah, I think we can trust you guys to find your way downstairs alone."

XxX

_I know a guy who's tough but sweet  
><em>He's so fine, he can't be beat<br>___He's got everything that I desire  
><em>_Sets the summer sun on fire  
><em>_I want candy, I want candy_

_Go to see him when the sun goes down _  
><em>Ain't no finer boy in town <em>  
><em>You're my guy, just what the doctor ordered <em>  
><em>So sweet, you make my mouth water <em>

_I want candy, I want candy _

_Candy on the beach, there's nothing better _  
><em>But I like candy when it's wrapped in a sweater <em>  
><em>Some day soon I'll make you mine, <em>  
><em>Then I'll have candy all the time<em>

_Bow Wow Wow - "I Want Candy"_

XxX

Beckett walked into the candy shop again, followed hot on her heels, as usual, by Castle. The owner recognized them and politely answered their questions. Castle asked, "In the surveillance footage that you gave us, there were two boys, I would guess in their late teens, that seemed pretty angry with Jamie. Do you know who they are?"

"I think I know who you're talking about. Troublemakers, those two. They live close by, but the opposite direction from Jamie's place. One of them is really uptight. Looks at all the candy and only buys a dollar's worth. Probably still mooching an allowance from his folks."

"Okay, do you happen to know their names?"

"Yeah, Harold Johnson and Clayton Sims. I know most of the regulars."

Castle quickly called Esposito and told him the names. He turned to Beckett and said, "Espo said they'll look up their addresses and follow up with these guys. They just finished talking to the people at G4 by the way. They're headed back to the precinct."

She nodded and then turned to the man in front of them again. "You said that you'd locked up the store before you left. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes, detective. Now that you brought it up, today in the morning when I came in, I noticed that the lock was a little loose. I'm pretty sure it's been jimmied. That's why I'd changed the lock recently, and that's why I know for sure that I closed up yesterday - because the store was broken into and I wanted to be careful."

"Okay, thank you for cooperating. If we need anything else, we know where to find you.", Beckett said. She turned around only to notice that Castle had already made his way to the car. He couldn't even wait for her? Was he really doing this all over again? Her musings got interrupted by a call. "Beckett", she snapped and started on her way back to the car.

Castle hurried out of the store so that he wouldn't be tempted to buy more stuff - and oh, was he ever tempted. But he wanted to appear 'less irritating', he wanted to give her space. When she got in she didn't look at him, instead she looked straight and started the car. It puzzled him, but he didn't comment on it.

She said, still without looking at him, "CSU found prints on the jaw breaker."

"Huh!", he said eagerly, "finally the fact that sweets are sticky has proved useful! I keep telling Alexis, she never believes me."

They called Ryan and told him to make sure to get the boys' fingerprints, then they let him know that they'd meet them back at the precinct.

XxX

_There's no sense crying over every mistake_  
><em>You just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake<em>  
><em>And the science gets done and you make a neat gun<em>  
><em>For the people who are still alive<em>

_I'm not even angry_  
><em>I'm being so sincere right now<em>  
><em>Even though you broke my heart and killed me<em>  
><em>And torn it pieces<em>  
><em>And threw every piece into a fire<em>  
><em>As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!<em>  
><em>Now these points of data make a beautiful line<em>  
><em>And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time<em>  
><em>So I'm glad I got burned<em>  
><em>Think of all the things we learned<em>  
><em>For the people that are still alive<em>

_Jonathan Coulton - "Still Alive" (Portal 2)_

XxX

By the time Castle and Beckett made it back, Ryan and Esposito had found out where the two boys from the candy store lived. Kate told them that they could do the follow-up. They first headed over to Harold Johnson's place. His mother, once she found out what they were there for, nearly threw a fit. They actually felt a little sorry for the kid.

"Harold!", she screamed, "These two men are from the NYPD. They're homicide detectives, Harold! What did you do?" She continued screaming for another ten minutes, during the course of which she smacked Harold on the head multiple times."

"Ow Ma! I didn't do nothin'."

"Didn't do nothin' my butt, boy. You tell them what you need to know.", with that she finally shut up and let the detectives take over.

"Uh.. Thanks Mrs. Johnson.", he said before turning to Harold, "Harold, we need to know why you and Clayton followed Jamie Bucket and what happened after that."

"Look man, we didn't do anything wrong. We just wanted to know why we weren't getting what we paid for. 'Realms' has issues, and they're taking way too long to fix them. We'd seen 'Hydrocket' on G4, and recognized him as the guy walking out of the candy store. That's why we cornered him, to him to ask him what was up with the delays. The douchebag got all uptight and told us that 'it is what it is', and that we were just going to have to wait till he found the time. After that we threw a few curses at him, that's all."

"That's all? Are you sure?"

"Yes! I'm sure, what difference does it make?"

"We told you we're homicide detectives, right? Jamie Bucket's been murdered."

"What!", he yelped, finally looking a little scared, "And you think _I_ did it? I didn't do it, dudes. Clayton can vouch for me."

"Who'll vouch for Clayton? Anyway, if you didn't do it, you won't mind giving us your fingerprints."

"Sure, man. Go ahead. I didn't do it, and neither did Clayton."

"Yeah, we'll verify that."

After taking his fingerprints, they started to leave the Johnson residence, ready to head to Clayton's next. On their way out they heard another tirade coming from the very loud voice of Mrs. Johnson. Something about not getting ink all over the furniture.

Their interview went much the same with Clayton, other than the fact that it was his dad who was around and seemed to be much calmer than Mrs. Johnson had been. He seemed pretty sure that Clayton was innocent. In fact, after talking to the two of them, Ryan and Esposito were pretty sure it wasn't them too.

* * *

><p><em><strong>A<strong>**/****N****:** Hey Docnerd... I'm a little sad that nobody got my in-jokes from chapter 6. I was so nerdily excited about them too._

_Docnerd89: Me too. I thought for sure that someone would point them out. Guess not. I hope they get the easter eggs from this one._

_Well, I don't know about you, but I ain't telling 'em what they are. *crosses arms in defiance* (← desperate plea for attention.)_

_Docnerd89: Well, maybe if they still don't get it, we can tell them in the next AN._

_Alright. They're probably only funny to nerds anyway. So... this is a pretty long chapter. And I was really slow. (Guys, she wrote a lot this time. Send her private messages all day. She'll appreciate it. I promise. *wink*)_

_Docnerd89: No! Well. I would appreciate talking to you all. But she's being funny. She wrote loads._

_You only want me for my extensive geek knowledge. You wrote the gamers as almost eloquent beings. They're so not. At least gamers like those two aren't. I'm delightful._

_Docnerd89: Lol. I'm too eloquent. I'm just looking at it that way. I'm a silver lining kinda gal. Thanx. ;)_

_Well, since we're going for realism *snort* I had to tune it up a little._

_Docnerd89: Castle in a candy shop. Doesn't get more real than that, yo._

_Werd. Okay, I'm way too white to say that._

_Docnerd89: I'm way too Indian. Who cares?_

_Okay, I'm hip, I'm with it, I'm down with the kids._

_Docnerd89: Okay, you can stop now. Lol_

_*ahem* So anyway... hope y'all like it - we're planning to write the final part of the case tomorrow, so it'll be finished before 'Undead Again' airs.  
><strong>ETA:<strong> Clarification - it won't be the end of this story... just the end of the candy store case. :-)_

_Docnerd89: Thank you all for the alerts, subscriptions, and reviews. We appreciate it so much._

_We do. I'm sending out virtual *hugs* and *kisses* to each and every one of you. Unless you hate the story, then I rescind._

_Docnerd89: Those from me too. Although, she's being nice. If you hate it, I'm sending my scalpel your way. Duck._

_LOL what a little ninja you are! Well, I'm off to edit my podcast - hopefully you guys will come back for chapter 8!_

_Docnerd89: Guise, guise, guise! If you're fans of fanfic (Let's hear a collective 'DUH' now), you have to listen to 'Storming the Castle'._

_^I totally did NOT prompt that gratuitous plug^ but thanks hon._

_Docnerd89: She didn't. (You're welcome). But go listen, folks! It's awesome! Listening to her on a podcast is how we ended up meeting._

_d'awwww. Chuck... bringing nerds together since 2007._


	8. Chapter 8

_..._

_These days when I see you_  
><em>You make it look like see-through<em>  
><em>Do tell me why you waste our time<em>  
><em>When your heart ain't admitting you're not satisfied<em>  
><em>You know I know just how you feel<em>  
><em>I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too<em>

_When you grace me with your cold shoulder_  
><em>Whenever you look at me I wish I was her<em>  
><em>You shower me with words made of knives<em>  
><em>Whenever you look at me I wish I was her<em>

_Adele - "Cold Shoulder_

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always Chapter 8<strong>

Ryan and Esposito had finished talking to Clayton Sims and his father, and were on their way to the morgue. They had to get the fingerprints they took from the boys to Lanie so she could get them processed and sent to CSI. They put in a call to Beckett to tell her about what they had so far.

_"Beckett.", _came the usual answer.

"Hey, boss. We found both the boys, they don't seem to fit the bill, but we got their prints anyway. We're on the way to the morgue now to get them to Lanie.", Esposito informed her, while setting his phone on the console and setting it to speaker.

_"Okay, good job guys. Did you learn anything from the unedited footage?"_

"We'll do you one better", Ryan replied, "From what we saw, Bucket and the host of the PyxCon interview on G4 got into it after they finished recording, but we caught it on the unedited reel. So we spoke to Chris Phirman - the host - about it, and he alibied out. He also told us that Ruccolo was with Bucket at the time trying to make him calm down."

Esposito added, "Seems like Ruccolo told Bucket that their boss wasn't too happy with how the game's updates were being handled. We called Pyxidis and they told us that the guy to talk to is Steve Jordan, he's their immediate superior. He'd confronted Jamie several times about the way he was running things."

"Or running _late_ on things", Kevin added. "Oh yeah, we got the prints from the two kids, and we're taking them to Lanie."

_"Looks like we need to have a little chat with the boss."_, she surmised, _"Okay, you guys go ahead to the morgue, we're on our way to talk to Jordan."_

"See you later."

Back at the precinct, Beckett told Castle that they were leaving. She hadn't kept the phone on speaker, because he seemed distracted.

Of course, he hadn't asked - because he wanted to give her space.

"Where are we going?", he asked her as they walked to the elevator.

"The guys said that Jordan was unhappy with Bucket over the product delays."

"Who's Jordan?", he asked, confused.

She glanced at him with an irritated look, but realized that he hadn't heard the phone call and so she couldn't just ask him to 'keep up'. "Steve Jordan is the boss over at Pyxidis. It seems that he had some issues with Jamie's work ethic. Something about how Jamie hadn't been delivering updates for the game quickly enough."

"Okay.", he said, leaving Kate to ponder over his unusually monosyllabic answer. She could see him already turning to his cell phone, apparently ready to continue the silent treatment.

XxX

"I looked up some stuff about Pyxidis. The directions are in my GPS, but the info on Jordan is much sketchier."

Beckett realized she'd been jumping to conclusions all day. She felt like she was being jerked around a little, even though Castle was still doing the whole partner thing. She'd never been more confused concerning his actions.

"Okay. Do you have the speaker turned up? I know the general area, but hearing the turns when we get nearby will help."

"Yep. It should start 'talking' any second now."

She heard the voice come through the speaker.

"Turn you must, lefffft, yes."

"Really, Yoda? You paid extra so Yoda would mangle your directions?"

He chuckled silently, with tears in his eyes, while she looked on in disbelief.

"Do you expect anything different from me? I could've gone for Darth Vader, be happy I got the voice we can actually understand. Could you imagine?", he asked and then started saying in a breathy - Darth Vader voice, "Psssssh. Luke, you must take the next right. Psssssssh."

"You'd just end up yelling 'NOOOOOOO' after every sentence."

Rick couldn't stop thinking about how amazingly hot this woman was. He wished he could, but every time she made a reference like that - it was impossible not to. It used to make him smile like a boy who'd just been handed a lot of candy - strange, thinking about that reference now. huh - but now there was always some hurt lingering along with the joy he couldn't keep at bay.

"Yeah. I probably would. I'm sure that would be distracting.", he told her softly.

Kate sighed inwardly again. There it is. The detachment. "I miss your distractions.", she muttered very softly. His head was still bent over the map displayed on his cell phone. She was almost sad he didn't hear her.

After a few more directives from the Jedi master, they arrived at the Pyxidis building. Beckett flashed her badge to the underground garage attendant, who waved her through. They found Jordan's office pretty quickly; everyone seemed to like him around here.

"Mr. Jordan? I'm Detective Kate Beckett, this is my partner, Richard Castle. We're here about Jamie."

The man stood and extended his hand to each of them in turn. "Nice to meet you, although I wish it were under different circumstances. I'm a fan, Mr. Castle, but I bet you hear that a lot." He smiled when Castle thanked him. Steve's expression then sobered as he continued. "We're sorry to lose Jamie. He was a good employee, and a really decent guy."

"Mr. Jordan, we heard that Jamie had been giving you quite a bit of trouble lately - being late with game updates, among other things."

"Well, Detective, you know how it goes. You have to give these guys some leeway. The work he did here was amazing. His CGI was on the cutting edge as far as gaming goes. It was reasonable that things were delayed every so often."

"We heard that you weren't happy with him and that you wanted to take away some of his privileges."

"What?", he asked with his eyebrows knit together, "Nothing of the kind. Mr. Ruccolo, our lawyer, advised me that it might be a better idea, legally speaking of course, if I narrowed Jamie's access to certain aspects of the job. I didn't actually follow his advice. Jamie might have _seemed_ a little power hungry, but he did his job well enough. I think he was just ambitious - and sometimes ambition can get to you - but like I said, we didn't have any problems with _him_ specifically."

"Mr. Ruccolo told Jamie that you were planning on cutting his department's budget."

"I wasn't planning on that at all. In fact, I recently approved pay increases for Jamie and his team."

"So you're saying that your company's lawyer told Jamie the opposite to what was actually happening?"

"It seems so.", Steven said in a resigned tone.

Castle and Beckett looked at each other as they understood what was being said. Beckett told the other man, "Thank you, Mr. Jordan. If we need anything else, we know where to find you."

XxX

_There's safety in numbers, they say_  
><em>'Cause the figures never lie<em>  
><em>No perfect persons ever noticed one computer die<em>  
><em>I'm programmed to a schedule<em>  
><em>What will the answer be<em>  
><em>Is it suicide run till the work gets done<em>  
><em>'Cause the matrix grid don't say<em>

_Com-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-puter-puter, puter games_  
><em>Com-pu-pu-pu-pu-puter-puter-puter-puter, computer games<em>

_Jammed up tight by red traffic lights_  
><em>Advance one level on green<em>  
><em>These opportune commuters<em>  
><em>They're blasting on thier hooters<em>  
><em>I fidget with the digit dots<em>  
><em>Frustration rules out there<em>  
><em>As the XU-1 connects the spot<em>  
><em>But the matrix grid don't care<em>

_Mi-Sex - "Computer Games"_

XxX

Esposito handed the prints that they'd just gotten from the ruffians to Lanie, as Ryan snickered in the background. One look from Esposito, and the snicker turned abruptly into a cough.

"We got these from two boys in the video who picked a petty fight with the vic.", Ryan told her.

"Okay, I just got the fingerprint scans back from CSU. I'll pull them up." She held the two sets of fingerprints next to the scans on the monitor and started comparing them with each other. "Okay, see here?", she pointed out at the monitor and then on the prints, "This 'arch' pattern that we see on the screen are quite rare. Neither set of prints that you guys got have the same pattern. I'll still send these over to CSU to confirm, but in my professional opinion, these are not a match."

"We had a feeling neither of them would be our guy, but we had to confirm it. Thanks, chica.", Esposito said.

"No problem.", she said with a smile.

"Oh hey, Alexis.", Ryan said as he saw her coming into the room, carrying a little baggie in her hand, just like the ones Castle had given them.

"Hi guys! Would you like some brains?", she asked while holding out the bag for them.

Lanie burst out laughing, at the shocked expression that was now gracing both the detective's faces.

"What?", Alexis asked, oblivious; but not.

"Uh - Brains?"

"Yeah, gummy brains. Dad got some from that candy store."

"Oh!", Esposito said, finally understanding what she meant.

"He got some for you too, huh?", Ryan said.

"Oh, you know, dad in a candy store. I'm surprised he didn't buy whole place."

"He got me chocolate bandaids and told me that I should be able to find a use for them.", Lanie said a little dryly, while Esposito avoided eye contact with anything in the room that breathed. But then she shrugged. "What girl doesn't like chocolate.", she asked rhetorically.

"Gates might not appreciate the 'gift' he got for her."

"Gates? He got some for the Captain?", Alexis asked with wide eyes.

"Yup. Gummy sharks. We don't think he'll give them to her though. He can't be that self-destructive. No offense, little Castle."

"None taken. And he _so_ can. He'll do it.", Alexis replied promptly.

"If my intern thinks he'll do it, I'm willing to bet that he will.", Lanie said.

"Ready to put your money where your mouth is?"

"You're on!"

All three of them threw ten dollars in front of Alexis. "You're the grown up here, why don't you hold onto the cash?" Lanie grinned at the teen.

"You too? It's all I ever hear... 'you're so responsible', 'you keep your dad in line'." But her smirk betrayed any hurt she conveyed through her words. "It's totally true though."

They all laughed, and Alexis grabbed an envelope out of the desk to keep the money together. They could see her write on the front - _Gates_ _sharks_ _/_ _bark_ _or_ _bite__?_

XxX

Castle and Beckett were in the Crown Vic on their way back to the precinct when Beckett asked, "What do you think his motive is?"

"If it _is_ Ruccolo, you mean?"

"Yeah. What does he have to gain from killing Jamie. It's not like he can take over his job."

"The usual motives are revenge, money or a girl.", Castle added.

"We haven't heard anything about a girl.", Beckett said.

"Right. So that leaves money and revenge.", Castle said.

She quickly called Kevin to tell him and Esposito to look up Ryan Ruccolo's financials. She also told them to bring Ruccolo in for questioning.

She missed this. Their banter. The theory building. It was so easy to solve a case. Why wasn't it as easy to solve _them_? She sighed.

When they got back to the precinct, they took some time to clue Ryan and Esposito in to what was happening. They were still looking up his financials, and making necessary phone calls to confirm the facts and figures. In the meantime, a couple of uniforms brought Ruccolo into the precinct and made him wait in the interrogation room. It was time to close this case.

"Mr. Ruccolo, do you know why we've brought you here?", Beckett asked him while staring him straight in the eyes - looking for any signs of weakness.

"No, I don't. Did you have something more to ask about Jamie, Detective? I'll tell you whatever I know."

"Then tell us how you killed him, Ruccolo, and why.", Beckett said.

"I didn't kill him. I was working.", Ruccolo answered simply, but Beckett saw the sweat starting to form on his brow.

"Don't lie, Mr. Ruccolo. We already made some calls, nobody can confirm that you were at work at the time of his murder."

"Why would I kill him? He was my friend, my workmate, my roommate."

Just then they heard a knock. Ryan came in and handed Beckett a file, which she looked at with a poker face and handed over to Castle.

Castle spoke as he closed the file, starting in his storytelling tone, "That _is_ the question, isn't it? Why would you kill your friend, workmate, and roommate. He was such a great guy, right? A lot of fun. He was still fun, but not so great anymore."

When Ruccolo chose to remain silent, Castle continued, "The job had gone to his head; inflated his ego. He was flaunting the cash around, sometimes in your face, isn't it?", he asked. "This guy, who was as old as you are, maybe a year or two younger even? He'd _just_ finished art school, and here he was, right in front of you making a name for himself in the company. Fans adored the man who helped create their favorite games. Jamie was the boss' favorite - even when he started getting lazy with the job. But you - _you_ went through law school - working hard, taking out loans. You didn't get the easy fame. You didn't get the best job with the best pay."

"You don't know what you're talking about.", Ruccolo said angrily.

Beckett picked it up from there, "Was that the plan all along, Mr. Ruccolo? To lure him there, into the candy store, and then kill him in the sweetest way possible?", she smirked.

"It wasn't like that!", Ruccolo protested.

Beckett placed the file, with his financials, in front of him, "See this, Mr. Ruccolo? This is what we call motive."

"I - that's circumstantial. Who doesn't have debts to pay these days?"

"Circumstantial. Bringing out the big lawyer words, Mr. Ruccolo? Making a case for yourself?", Castle said.

"We have more than circumstantial evidence. We have fingerprints from the jawbreaker you stuffed down his throat.", Beckett said.

"_And_ we have a warrant for your arrest. So tell us, why'd you do it?", Castle added.

Ruccolo was shaking now, sweat covered his forehead. "I didn't - I didn't mean to kill him. He was acting like a class-A jerk. He'd started treating his friends like crap and being rude to the gamers. He was spending obscene amounts of money on stupid things. I'd worked so hard to get where I am today, and there he was, with everything practically falling into his lap and he was wasting it away. I tried to talk to him; tried to make him see sense, but he wouldn't - he got worse. I couldn't take it anymore. So that day, I decided to scare him. I learned how to pick locks back at college 'cause it helped me with a frat initiation thing. I knew about what time he would be passing by the shop on his way home, so I waited. I was just - I was just trying to scare him."

"But you went too far, Ryan."

"I - I don't know how - I don't know why. I just couldn't stop. The jawbreaker was already in his mouth and I - I pinched his nose. I saw him turning blue - but I couldn't stop."

"You could, Mr. Ruccolo. You chose not to. There's always a choice.", Beckett said with conviction, casting a glance towards Castle.

XxX

_You lying so low in the weeds_  
><em>Bet you gonna ambush me<em>  
><em>You'd have me down on my knees<em>  
><em>Wouldn't you, Barracuda?<em>

_If the real thing don't do the trick_  
><em>You better make up something quick<em>  
><em>You gonna burn it out to the wick<em>  
><em>aren't you, Barracuda?<em>

_Heart - "Barracuda"_

XxX

Gates came out of her office clutching a transparent bag in one hand and holding her door as if forcing it to hold her back from attacking someone with the other. "Mr. Castle!", she shouted.

"Uh oh. Looks like someone's in trouble with the principal.", Ryan said.

"Bro, we told you, you're on your own.", Esposito added helpfully. Or not.

"Yes, sir?", he said as he walked towards her.

"Why was this bag of Sharks on my table?", she said through narrowed eyes.

"Sharks? Those are sharks?", he said, trying to get out of the sticky situation. Although, at this point, should he really bother? Till he could decide for sure, he chose to remain in the good books. Come to think of it, does Gates even have good books? Nevermind, he had a point to make. "I was just being nice, buying you candy, you know. I _thought_ they were gummy dolphins.", he said with a sheepish smile, trying to appear innocent.

She seemed to have bought it, or at least to have dropped it, and headed back inside after one last glare.

After she went inside, he muttered softly, "With teeth and shark fins."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** So my friend, you did the hard work today. Migraines suck._

_Docnerd89: You were there for the most part. Actually, you were here for all of it! You have the migraine, yet I'm the one who took 10 minutes every time to remember our vic's name._

_There's that - and also the boss' name. And I picked the nerd music too._

_Docnerd89: Rucculo, Ruccolo, Rucococococo. Blah. He's in jail now. The music is awesome, btw._

_Also, nobody got our easter eggs, so I'll say right here that the names we've used have special significance. Such a dorky thing to do, but you went along with it anyway ;-)_

_Docnerd89: Dude, I'm a chuckster. I'm a nerd with ya._

_d'awwww NERDS UNITE!_

_Docnerd89: *Does awkward nerd handshake thing*_

_Hahaha! Well, we managed to finish the case this chapter - we promised, and also delivered! yay!_

_Docnerd89: I think we did a decent job of telling it. How about you, the readers, let us know? ;) (The beautiful, awesomesauce, great, lovely, loyal readers)_

_Yup. Please do! (suckup)_

_Docnerd89: You gotta do what you gotta do. :P_

_No, it's "A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do". Oh, yeah, we're not Joss._

_Docnerd89: I ain't a man._

_On another note, it's FREAKING CASTLE MONDAY Y'all!_

_Docnerd89: *running around the room screaming akjhashdlfajs;lfja*_

_I have mixed feelings. I desperately *want* to see a new Castle, but it means we're only one episode away from the end of Season 4. And still no renewal notices. I think it's probably a slam dunk._

_Docnerd89: I have mixed feelings too. Mostly I feel like I need to pee cause I've been holding it in till we finish._

_Okay I get the hint - say goodbye to the nice people._

_Docnerd89: Bye-bye lovelies!_

_After tonight, we'll decide on a course, and steer the story in the direction we choose. We just gotta cross our fingers you'll enjoy it. *wave*_


	9. Chapter 9

…

...

**Road to Always Chapter 9**

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile._  
><em>When I thought that I was strong.<em>  
><em>But you touch me for a little while<em>  
><em>And all my fragile strength is gone.<em>

_Set me free, leave me be._  
><em>I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.<em>

_Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be._  
><em>But you're on to me and all over me.<em>  
><em>I live here on my knees as I try to make you see<em>  
><em>That you're everything I think I need here on the ground.<em>

_But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go._  
><em>The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down,<em>

_You're keeping me down_  
><em>Something always brings me back to you,<em>  
><em>It never takes too long<em>

_Sarah Bareilles - "Gravity"_

XxX

_10_ _pm__,_ _Kate__'__s_ _Apartment__._

'I've let my mother's murder define me, It's made me who I am. But now, _I __want __to __be __more_ than who I am.' That's what I told Burke but can I really do that? Can I be more? I thought that I could. For myself - for him. I _want_ to be more, I _need_ to be more. It's just so tough. I thought my wall was starting to come down. Maybe it did, or maybe it isn't all the way there yet but - but he has a wall too. I've never seen it before. I can't help but feel guilty about the fact that I may never have looked hard enough before. Maybe it's always been there. Two walls that kept us apart.

Now it's up to me to tell him. Talking about our feelings outright isn't really our thing. That's the downside of being in love with an author. It's all about subtext. Being open with him is uncharted territory. But it's the least I can do. He's put everything on the line for me and I may have let it slip away.

If nothing else, I need to know why he's pulled away from me... from us. Exactly why did he build that wall? Do those questions even matter? The real question is whether I'm ready - whether _we__'__re_ ready to get past the battlements, or better yet, destroy them completely. We fight crime, together. We bring closure to victims' families, together. We work best when we're on the same side of the law. Doesn't it follow, by logic, that we'll work best when we're on the same side of those damn walls? I want us to work.

It isn't fair to ask him to do all the work though. Even with him on the other side of my wall, he walked with me. He's been there when I've fallen apart, when I've been swallowed up and spat out, when my mother's case engulfed me. I couldn't ask for a more dedicated partner, and I _know_ it's not about the case - he did it for me. He's done everything for me.

When Roy died, when he was _murdered_, in cold blood - just like my mom - Rick was the one apologizing. He was holding me against the car, he was keeping me from getting myself killed that night - and he was apologizing because he knew what that was doing to me. Even after I tossed him out - told him I wanted him out of my life.

He jumped in front of me on the podium, the day of the funeral - the day that I _did_ die. And even then - even after I died, his words gave me strength. Just like they did, all those years ago when I lost mom. His words.

I need to show him - maybe I need to _tell_ him how much his words mean to me. How much they've always meant. I need to find my words.

So - time for me to 'man up'. It's _past_ time. No more hiding - no more walls. I just hope it's not too late.

XxX

_I am just a little girl lost in the moment_  
><em>I'm so scared but I don't show it<em>  
><em>I can't figure it out<em>  
><em>It's bringing me down I know<em>  
><em>I've got to let it go<em>  
><em>And just enjoy the show<em>

_Lenka - "The Show"_

XxX

_8_ _am__,_ _Alexis__'_ _room_

I like to take care of my things. Most of my books look brand new. The pages aren't yellow and they're certainly not bent at the corners - that's what bookmarks are for. But right now, in front of me, I have several pages that look, well, not so new. The folds are almost gone. I've spent enough time smoothing them out - poring over the letters that my dad kept from me. I've never been the kind of person who took things lightly - and this one is a big decision.

'The quintessential good girl', my friends and their parents used to say. They tried to egg me on; at least some of them did. But it never bothered me. 'Daddy's girl', others would say. That didn't bother me either. It made me proud. It makes me proud - because I _am_ daddy's girl. Dad is all I've had, and all I've ever needed. Mom's there - she exists - but dad is here. Always.

My dad asked me who would play with him if I decided to go away. Not that it was a factor in my decision. I couldn't imagine myself that far away from my family (not that I told him that _exactly_). They're not a weakness for me, they're part of my strength. Dad might be juvenile and distracting, but he's always there for me. Maybe I need that right now.

But what about him? What does he need? Hah. I know what he thinks he needs - what he used to at least. Kate Beckett.

I had a hard time coming to terms with her presence in our lives, and her importance in dad's life. He dove in front of her - if he was faster than a speeding bullet, he'd have taken it for her. But he's not. He's not superman. He's just my dad. It hurts to think of what might have happened. That's the thing though; he didn't take the bullet for her, and still he was shattered as if he did. Maybe I've been a little jealous. Maybe I haven't been fair - it's hard to be.

She does the same for him. That's what I've got to remember. He's always been the best father, but after Kate Beckett entered our lives, he's been a better man. Plus, you really can't stay too angry at the woman who is constantly trying to protect your father - like at the bank all those months ago. She protected my family like it was hers. Have I been looking at it all wrong? It's not mine or hers. It's ours - it has been for a long time.

I've been upset with dad for too long. He does dangerous things - but _living_ is dangerous. What he does with Kate - with all the guys down at the precinct - it's important to him. It makes him feel needed. Validated. His books entertain, but helping people through the tragedy of murder, that's what makes him whole.

I think that my internship with Lanie has made me understand that a little bit better. I can see that he has a family there as well. I can see how easy it is to be a part of that family - I feel like I'm a part of it too. They've done that - they've accepted me as a part of their family.

Hopefully, Kate will accept me too. I know my father wants to be with her, and after talking to Kate, I realized it's mutual. They just never connect at the same time. She seems more ready - more willing - to admit what she feels towards my dad. I just hope it gets resolved soon. It's been so long - he's waited so long for her.

The talk I had with Doctor Parish and Kate was enlightening to say the least. I didn't realize how big the chip on my shoulder was until the words came out. But getting it out in the open lifted it. Our conversation ended with declarations of love on both sides - I only hope the same thing happens when it's just Kate and dad.

XxX

_Don't stop this train_  
><em>Don't for a minute change the place you're in<em>  
><em>Don't think I couldn't ever understand<em>  
><em>I tried my hand<em>

_Honestly we'll never stop this train_  
><em>See once in a while when it's good<em>  
><em>It'll feel like it should<em>  
><em>And they're all still around<em>  
><em>And you're still safe and sound<em>

_And you don't miss a thing_  
><em>'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.<em>

_John Mayer - "Stop this train"**  
><strong>_

XxX

_6_ _pm_, _Martha __Rodgers__'_ _School_ _of_ _Acting_.

Sometimes my son is clueless. 'If you wanna punish Beckett, at least let her know why.' That's what I told him. I feel like I'm holding his hand right now, and what he needs is a good shove. Although maybe he's on his way. After that case with the zombies, he seems to be happier - lighter. I'd talk to him about it, but his hold on the situation is tenuous at best.

I joke about their relationship to keep his head in the game. I once told him that he can't write his way out of a bullet and I meant it. He puts himself in harm's way every day, and mooning over Beckett can't be good for him. Things need to get resolved - and quick.

Even after the hostage thing at the bank he still thinks I'm distant at times. It's true - I am. It's the only way I know. But if something happened to him, my world would fall apart. I think I've gotten better at showing him how I feel. I just wish I'd done it sooner and more often.

I don't want to stick my nose in where it's not wanted, or I'd go to Kate myself. I'm not sure whether to be mad at her or simply frustrated. I wish she could see how she ties Richard in knots, but I know he won't let her see that until they're at a breaking point.

That's not to say that Richard is doing much better at the moment. He's reminding me of when he was a hormonal teenager. He's too old for this - _I__'__m_ too old for this. Hah! Never! Martha Rodgers is anything but old. I don't have doubts about Kate's feelings for my son - she has more doubts than I do. I have doubts about the fact that they'll ever see what's right in front of them. Everyone around them knows that they're in a relationship, whether they call it that, whether they accept it, or not. It irks me that two of the brightest minds I've known can be so dull.

At least Richard can stop being passive/aggressive about Alexis and her college choices. I still can't believe he kept those letters from her. If I've been too distant, he's been too dependent on her. He's the best father I've ever seen, but he needs to let her fly. My granddaughter is amazing. She'll be able to do whatever she chooses to do. We joke about her maturity - it's not a joke though. She's more of an adult than Richard or I will ever be. She lives in the real world.

I have mixed feelings about Alexis and her choice to stay in New York. Her father promised to try and let her be independent, and I have no doubt that he _will_ try. Succeeding... now that's the issue. I'll want to help them through that as well, but I'm just as lost. Richard was always independent, and I liked it that way. Now I just want to grab Alexis and hold on. It's amazing how life changes when you're not paying attention.

XxX

_And all the things that I wished I had not said_  
><em>Are played in loops till it's madness in my head<em>

_Is it too late to remind you how we were?_  
><em>But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur<em>

_Most of what I remember makes me sure_  
><em>I should have stopped you from walking out the door<em>

_You could be happy, I hope you are_  
><em>You made me happier than I'd been by far<em>

_Somehow everything I own smells of you_  
><em>And for the tiniest moment it's all not true<em>

_Snow Patrol - "You Could Be Happy"_

XxX

_10 pm, Rick's Office_

I normally love subtext. But I'm so over it when it comes to Kate. We finally had a conversation where we said what we meant, and it felt good. Okay, so I was wearing a zombie costume, but that's par for the course. We never do anything like we're supposed to.

Just when I decide to make a decision, Kate subverts it. I told my mother I could handle working with her even though she doesn't love me - and then she sends me mixed signals. Then I wanted to make this last case _my_ last case - and she almost _tells_ me I'm wrong about her.

So what do I do now? The job - and yes, it is a job - makes me feel good - wanted, needed. Kate used to too. Now I don't know what to think. I can't separate the two. The job, and Kate - one and the same. She embodies all that I strive to be. She cares like nobody I've ever known. She has so much love - is it wrong to hope she has some left over for me?

I saw what I wanted to see; heard what I wanted to hear. It's the same thing I thought I did that day on the swings. I thought that I heard what I wanted to hear. But _now_ I think that I heard what she meant for me to hear. It's making my head spin. We're too wise for our own good. She _does_ want me on the other side of that wall. She wants me there. She said it. There can't be any other way to take that. There can't be any misinterpretation. _She_ _wants_ _me_ _there_ and as I told her, I want to be there.

I've been thinking lately from her perspective - since I haven't given her the benefit of the doubt. She said she was healing, seeing a therapist. For Kate to accept help from the outside - that's big - no... _huge_. She put in the work and left out the excuses. How can I _not_ be moved by that? How can that _not_ matter to me. She hasn't been making excuses and I've been punishing her. It makes me sick - makes me hate myself a little. She was _shot_.

And what excuse do I have for my secrets? I want her alive. That's a good excuse - but it's an excuse. We need to stop using them. Excuses and secrets. Secrets are like time bombs. I'm pretty sure my luck with diffusing them has run out.

But now I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of sanity. At least where Kate is concerned. I have a feeling that things are coming to a head, and I need to be ready. Not that I could even begin to prepare. She has a way of surprising me. I have no idea what's coming next. Should I keep sticking around, waiting for her to come to me? Until the last few days, I vowed to stop waiting. To stop thinking she could love me back. Even when I overheard her in that interrogation room and figured she didn't have those feelings for me - somewhere in the back of my mind I held out some hope.

She's always been good at giving the families of the victims just that - hope. I should have known better than to think that she doesn't have the same for us. She's given me hope, and that's more than I had last week.

When I told her 'Things change - and change is good.', I wanted to believe it myself. That we could have that change. It's what we desperately need. Something has to give, and I was going to let it be me. Then Kate surprised me again. She was the stronger one this time.

It wasn't about being embarrassed. It wasn't about her integrity. It wasn't about secrets kept. It wasn't about words that were lost in translation. We were there when she was shot. We were there when it all started. I believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, fairy tales, love stories. I might have taken a detour lately, but now I'm back on track. More than I believe in anything, more than I've ever believed in anything before - I believe in my love for Kate Beckett.

I'd like to think that now, finally, we're on the same page. Hell, I'd be happy if we were in the same chapter. In fact, I think that maybe it's time to write a new chapter. I've always thought that someday I'll write the perfect murder, but this is more important to me. If anybody could write us a happier story, it would be me and my muse.

XxX

_**A/N:** Yeah yeah, we know inner dialogue is supposed to be italicized, but how freakin' annoying would that have been? A whole chapter of italics... yuck._

_Docnerd89: I don't know about you guys, but it makes my eyes hurt._

_Same here. So - just pretend, okay?_

_Docnerd89: Thank you, thank you, thank you x a billion - for the subscriptions and reviews and all that jazz._

_Seriously! And I'm digging that you guys like our author's notes. We seem to have our own 'witty banter'._

_Docnerd89: If only ya'll could see how much we chat between the writing._

_And that means a lot of erasing. Good thing. I'd be worried if y'all wanted to see inside my brain._

_Docnerd89: We're both extremely morbid, in case you haven't guessed from either of our independent fics and the case from this one._

_Not to mention all the virtual drooling I do. She gets to roll her eyes at me a lot. She's Kate and I'm Rick I guess. Juvenile - check, pouty - check, full of innuendo - check._

_Docnerd89: Lol. Yeah, I'm totally a kickass, gun weilding, emotionally constipated hot chick. Not._

_Totally not. But I'm sure you do your fair share of eye rolling._

_Docnerd89: True enough. I do. I'm also good with the cynical sarcasm._

_Hair porn?_

_Docnerd89: Not so much. I do also use conditioner sometimes! HAH!_

_Same here, but nothing in my house smells like cherries ;-)_

_Docnerd89: Well, I'm a bit glad. If my hair was like Kate Beckett's or Stana's for that matter, I'd be stuck in front of a mirror all day._

_Okay, so we're getting off the point now. Hey readers... look over there while we get back on track -_

_Docnerd89: Woohoo! I killed a mosquito. Huh, what? Off track? Right, right._

_*sigh* I'm just glad we finished this chapter with 'Always' making us crazy. As we write this, we're at T-minus six hours and counting._

_Docnerd89: The only appropriate reaction to 'Always' is : asdfghjkl._

_I'm hoping this helps. Angst should prepare us, right?_

_Docnerd89: Nothing can prepare us. My 'Always' survival kit : Tissues, Chocolate, and the knowledge that millions of fans are going through the same. And with that - K and I hope that you guys have enjoyed this chapter, let us know ;), and good luck with 'Always'. This story is not over yet!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Oh, can't you see the morning after_  
><em>It's waiting right outside the storm<em>  
><em>Why don't we cross the bridge together<em>  
><em>And find a place that's safe and warm<em>

_Maureen McGovern - "The Morning After"_

* * *

><p><strong>Road to Always Chapter 10<strong>

He didn't want to wake up... not yet. He slowly opened one eye - a beam of light peeking through the blinds he hurriedly shut sometime in the very early pre-dawn. Normally, Rick would have groaned at the early hour, but looking at who was in his arms caused a smile to transform his face. And really, he didn't even need to look. He felt her there - felt her presence.

Kate.

He still wasn't sure about what had happened last night. Honestly, they didn't get too much talking done in between other activities. It was what they needed. The culmination of 'not-talking' for four years, led to - well, more 'not-talking'.

He was truly thinking _way_ too much this early, but it was all he could do to stop from waking her up. So many questions. The only sure thing was that she was sorry, and that an epiphany brought her back to him. He realized that she didn't clarify exactly what it was that she was apologizing for. So many things had happened in the last few weeks. Enough to make his head spin in the last few days alone - it could have been anything. He knew that there were things he should have - and maybe would have - apologized for, but he wondered if his actions had done it for him. He'd been saying he was sorry for so many things, for so long; she had to know. He wasn't going to try and make amends for asking her to step away; no.

They had woken up for a short time and got a _little_ talking in. She managed to tell him that Ryan had saved both her and Espo, and it pretty much shredded the team. If it hadn't been for Ryan - no. She was fine; she was safe. She was his - for good it seemed.

This didn't mean that he didn't want to know exactly what happened yesterday. She was covered in cuts and bruises for God's sake. 'I almost died'. He didn't show it when he first heard it, but it shook him to the core. Even after all the times that they'd almost died before. He hadn't been there this time. He was completely out of the loop.

He vaguely wondered if he should be waking her up for work. Then again, maybe she'd taken the day off. Although that really didn't explain her abrupt appearance at his door last night. Whatever the case may be, he'd try his best to cajole her into staying for a hearty breakfast. Pancakes.

She was cuddled under his arm, head resting on his shoulder, looking more peaceful and beautiful than he'd ever seen her before. He swept her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. So long. He'd waited so long to do that. Rick took a risk, and gently leaned over to look at the time on his cell phone. After six. He thought that was about her normal time to wake up. Of course, this would be the first time he'd have a chance to get definite confirmation on that.

He watched as she stirred beside him. She blinked a couple of times before focusing on him and giving him the most adorable smile. "Mm. Hey.", she said in barely a whisper. It sounded delicious.

"Did I wake you?" Rick asked. "I was trying to check the time, I don't know when you need to be up." He brushed his lips against her hair as he spoke. He wanted to take every opportunity to touch her... kiss her.

"You didn't disturb me," Her smile faltered, if only for a second. "but I don't need to be up." She trailed her hand over his chest.

"Hmm, good.", he said in a husky, sleep-filled voice. "Did you take the day off?", he asked as he captured her hand and brought it to his mouth.

Kate lifted her head to look directly at him. "Umm. Kinda."

He chuckled. "Kinda?"

"Well, I _kinda_ quit. I was suspended anyway... figured I'd just go all-in."

He was about to laugh at her joke when he realized that she was being serious - or rather that she was trying to make light of a serious situation. He shifted suddenly so that he could see her face more clearly. Seriously? "Seriously?"

"Mhmm."

"You quit? Just like that?", he asked her. His shock was suddenly replaced by horror. His eyes widened comically as he said, "Kate. That's not what I meant. I didn't mean you should quit the job. I just - I wanted you to back off _this_ case."

"It's not a big deal."

"But - ", he spluttered, apparently at a loss for words.

"I didn't just quit because you told me to. Have I ever done anything just because someone told me to? Even if it _is __you__?_"

He was shocked that she didn't sound annoyed. Full of surprises - God, he loved her. "No - I. Definitely not.", he smiled. "But then, why did you?"

"Look, I fell back down that rabbit hole. You saw me - I was manic. Nothing could've stopped me, and I know how hard you tried." She laid her head back down on his chest. "At the very least, I need a break, and I wanted to be in control of that break."

"You were suspended anyway, though."

She rolled her eyes. Some things didn't change, much to his delight. There's the Kate he was used to. His Kate. He had to stop and take a deep breath.

"Yeah, Espo and I were both put on 'indefinite leave'. I decided to make it permanent." She sighed. "I just wish Ryan hadn't gotten caught in the crossfire. I told you that he saved us, but that meant he went behind our backs. He brought Gates in.

Rick took another deep breath and Kate saw the guilt etched through his face.

"What?"

"I think he tried to call me. Dammit. The _one_ time I make a fist. If I'd just picked up…"

She shook her head. "It's better the way it actually happened. If you showed up - if you had been there like always, I'd just continue on the warpath. Or worse, you could have been hurt."

"Yeah, but there's that word again. Always. I meant it, you know, and then I turned my back on you. I had to - you weren't seeing me."

"That's what it took for me to finally see you. Not seeing you."

"Huh? It's early, Kate." His grin came back. "You're gonna have to spell it out for me. Talking in circles ain't gonna cut it."

She laughed softly. "You weren't there. I still heard you, you know. When I was hanging by my fingers, dangling off the roof." She saw his incredulous look. That was going to take a little explaining, but not now. "I heard you. Ryan and the team were hurrying to get to me, but I heard you. I meant it yesterday, all I could think about was you."

"You know, at some point you're going to tell me exactly what happened yesterday. Alexis' graduation speech was amazing, but I have the feeling your day was a bit more exciting."

She huffed. "Exciting."

"Ah. I mean - eventful? Adrenaline-packed?"

"You sure you make your money writing?", she asked, looking amused.

"Ha... and might I add... ha."

"Verbosity doesn't equal eloquence." She flaunted her large vocabulary in the face of his groggy ineptitude. "I'll fill you in."

"Why, dete - uh - I mean, _Ms__._ _Beckett_.", he stumbled, but corrected himself quickly before smirking and going on. "That would be my job. And I think I did it rather well, if I do say so myself." He wiggled his eyebrows and earned a smack on the chest. "Hey - ow! I thought we were past the ear pulling and chest pummelling."

"At least supply me with coffee if you're going to subject me to that."

She was narrowing her eyes but he could tell that she was amused.

"I was thinking that I should take Espo's advice and make you pancakes." When she gave him a bemused look, he added, "That morning before your apartment went 'boom' - he saw I was making you pancakes. He implied that it was the quintessential 'morning after' breakfast. A way to say 'thank you for last night'."

She laughed, louder this time. "Well, at least we earned it this time. Coffee too though, Writer-boy."

"Boy? _Boy__?_", he huffed.

"Hey, be happy it's not 'Cabana-boy'."

He shuddered. "Okay, I'll be any kind of boy you want, as long as I'm yours."

She laughed again. "Getting sappy, are we?"

If it got her to laugh like that - oh, how beautiful she looked - he'd happily be a sap. "Lots of time to make up for.", he said with a sheepish smile. "Besides, you know I'm way girlier than you are with this relationship stuff. Someone has to be sappy."

"Oh. Thanks for stepping up, Castle."

"Well, you definitely took the lead last night. I'd call that stepping up too."

"You did it for real though, Rick. You jerked me out of that well I'd fallen into and showed me what mattered. Us. We matter. You matter.

"Now who's the sap?", he said with a smile, but added before she could answer, "Me. I volunteer. Besides, I gotta go make you breakfast. No time to argue over who wears the pants here."

He got out of the bed, showing her that he didn't. "Hurry up, I'm hungry." She watched as he threw a lustful look over his shoulder. "Double entendre intended."

"I got that." He pulled on a pair of lounge pants covered in superman symbols. "But I think if we're going there again, food is in order."

"I'd say. I'm going to have a quick shower, and then I'll join you in a bit?"

"'Kay." He walked through the bedroom doorway towards the kitchen. "Grab whatever you need from my closet. There's all kinds of stuff in there I wouldn't mind seeing you in."

Kate could almost picture the glint in his eye as he started to whistle. She might like this whole life of leisure thing after all.

XxX

_...time is on your side_  
><em>Is on your side; It's on your side now<em>  
><em>Not pushing you down, and all around<em>  
><em>No it's no cause for concern<em>

_You came along and you cut me loose_  
><em>You came along and you cut me loose<em>  
><em>You came along and you cut me loose<em>

_Coldplay - "Amsterdam"_

XxX

After her shower, which lasted for longer than 'a bit' thanks to his luxurious bathroom, she pulled one of his t-shirts over her head. It was definitely too big for her, but she was too comfortable to care. She grabbed a pair of boxers out of a drawer and tugged them up her legs. Her clothes were a mess - she'd been out in the rain so long they were probably beyond ruined. The shirt and boxers would have to do for now.

She walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face - not just put there from the heavenly smell of breakfast that Rick had so lovingly cooked up, but because of the man himself.

He took a cake pan out of the oven. It was covered in a damp tea towel, and when he pulled it off, there was a stack of pancakes underneath. Steamy and fresh. How could he be so thoughtful and yet so irritating. Irritating in a good way, of course. He smiled at her as he arranged a stack on a plate. It was already garnished with some fresh fruit. He pushed the plate towards her, and then slid some syrup and butter across the counter.

She crossed over to him and got up on her toes to give him a kiss. "Hey", she said softly.

"Hey", he replied, matching her tone.

He made a plate for himself, then snaked the syrup from her and drenched his breakfast until the pancakes were soaked.

"Pancakes with your syrup, sir?"

"Hey, I'm just doing you a favor."

"How is drenching your pancakes doing me a favor?"

He took a bite and after he'd finished, he leaned over to kiss her. "Sweet kisses."

Kate groaned. "Wow. That's reaching a little, even for you."

"Can't help it." He was speaking while chewing this time. "I told you, I can't be all manly with you yet. Still new."

"You were plenty manly last night, Castle." She winked and put a mug of steaming coffee up to her lips.

He gave her his special Castle - lopsided grin that she secretly loved. "I'm glad you think so."

"Finish your breakfast. You're gonna need it."

He growled and started attacking his plate like he was on a mission. "I like how you think, Beckett. Have I ever told you that before?"

"Not in so many words. Now shut up and eat."

Rick continued eating, but kept his eyes on his girlfriend... wow. Yeah, his girlfriend. That's new. And though, technically, she was his 'girlfriend', in his mind she was so much more already. She was his partner, the love of his life. His better half. And oh - he just knocked the wind out of himself.

As if reading his mind, she said - almost inaudibly, "And Rick, I love you too."

No. Nope. He was wrong. She just knocked the wind out of him. In the best possible way. Really, he didn't need to even breathe right now. She wasn't just 'more', she was everything. He walked around the counter, breakfast momentarily forgotten, and let his lips do the talking for him. He poured all his love into the kiss.

He was right. The kiss was sweet - but it hardly had anything to do with the syrup. She made soft noises against his mouth. He didn't take the opportunity to turn it into something more - which was _very_ nice. She didn't need more right then, she just needed him.

They were both breathless when he pulled away, smiling.

"Oh - uh. I meant to ask earlier, when is Alexis getting home?"

"She should be back sometime after noon." He walked back to his plate, and continued his assault. "We're planning to have lunch together when she gets home."

"Uhm", she went on somewhat awkwardly, "Should I - uh - I'll leave you guys to it. We'll catch up later?"

"Kate, no running. Let's see what Alexis wants to do. I'd stay with you all day if I could, but if she doesn't mind, maybe we can do something together."

"I don't want to get between you and your daughter."

"You're not in the way. You're a part of my life." He set down his fork, plate clean except for a puddle of extra syrup. "She and I - and mother too, sometimes - we're a package deal. We all might as well start getting used to it. That is... I don't want to assume anything - we're going to get used to this, right?"

She wasn't sure about how everything would fall into place. Obviously it wouldn't happen overnight, it was going to take time and effort on all their parts. But she was sure of him - them. "Right.", she said with certainty and a smile. "This is _definitely_ something I want to 'get used to'."

"Good. 'Cause I'm never going to let you go, Kate Beckett. Afraid you're stuck with me." He was leaning on the counter now, elbow bent, chin resting on his hand. "In fact, maybe I should shoot her a text. I won't give her details if you don't want me to, but I can at least prepare her - let her know you're here."

She nodded. He went through the first part so fast that she didn't have the chance to argue. She didn't need the chance to argue. "Sure. You know better than I do. Whatever you think."

"You do remember all the times I've asked you for advice, right? I'm just as lost as you are."

She gave him a baleful look.

"Okay, not quite as lost as you are. But this is new for me too. She knows how much you mean to me."

"Speaking of being lost, I can't believe _you__'__re_ the one who still has a job." Kate smiled, only half-joking. "Who would've guessed you'd be the responsible one between the two of us."

"Kate, I really can't look at your decision as irresponsible. Not when it's keeping you alive." Although he still looked happy enough, he sobered enough that she knew he was being serious.

"I could have just quit the case. I didn't have to quit the job"

"Are you having second thoughts?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I guess it would be wrong not to. It's been my whole life."

He nodded.

"But I don't want to think about it yet. This is where I want to be - just... now. Here. With you. I'm happy."

He smiled sadly. "Those things aren't mutually exclusive. That being said, I'll support you - whatever you decide. I've got your back."

She smiled - really smiled. "Always?"

"Damn straight." He gave her a devilish grin back. "Besides, I'm stinkin' filthy rich. You've got plenty of time to think about the future."

She frowned. It was the first time all day, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Okay, I get it." He wanted the sad look to go away. "How about - yeah. Always."

"It's not that I'm not grateful. I know you'd be happy to - ", she sighed.

"You don't need my money. I know that, Kate."

"It has nothing to do with your money, or my job, or anything else. I did this because all I want to think about is you. It's all I _can_ think about. And it's enough for me, right now. Maybe even always."

"I'm kinda familiar with that feeling." He smiled.

Again, it reminded her of how long he'd waited, how thoughtful he was and - so many things. He's a good man. The right man. Her man. "Thank you, Rick."

"You don't need to thank me. Wait... what are you thanking me for exactly?"

"I do. I want to. Thank you for waiting for me; for not giving up."

"Didn't have much of a choice. You're it for me." he said seriously, and then added in a very Castle-esque manner, "No take-backs."

She laughed.

"Finish your pancakes, I'll go grab my phone and shoot Alexis a note. I'll leave things in her hands."

"Take a shower while you're at it."

"You saying I stink? Dude, that's just wrong.", he said as he playfully started towards her.

"I'm saying it's either that, or next time you start eating with a bib. You have maple syrup down the front of your shirt. Hey, when did I say you could put on a shirt?"

He barked out a laugh. "I need your permission to wear clothes?"

"Eh, wear 'em, don't wear 'em... all the same to me. I'm a little partial to your leather sports coat though... hottie."

"That's good to know, babe."

She glared at him. Bristling at the pet name. "_Babe_?"

"You started it.", he said with a shrug.

"Maybe I'll stop giving you compliments then."

"No babe. Gotcha. I'm gonna go take that shower now."

As he walked by her, he caught her in an embrace - kissing her quickly before continuing towards his office. She couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped from her mouth.

"I heard that."

"Mhmm." She replied lazily.

"Hey Beckett.", he said, popping his head back through the office doorway.

"Yes, Castle?"

"I love you.", he said softly. Then he scurried away, before she could answer.

But she did anyway, just as softly. "Love you too."

XxX

_I never saw it happening_  
><em>I'd given up and given in<em>  
><em>I just couldn't take the hurt again<em>  
><em>What a feeling<em>

_I didn't have the strength to fight_  
><em>Suddenly you seemed so right<em>  
><em>Me and you<em>  
><em>What a feeling<em>

_Aqualung - "Brighter Than Sunshine"_

XxX

_**A/N:** Before Doc starts in, I already know it's been almost a month since the last chapter. I take all the blame. Real life sucks._

_Docnerd89: Noooo. Well. It does. But my real life takes part of the blame too. Also, I don't know about you, but I was slightly, happily paralyzed by that last episode.. What was it called again?_

_Hrm. I don't remember... oh yeah... AL - amazingly awesome - WAYS._

_Docnerd89: I still pinch myself._

_I KNOW, RIGHT? I'm so glad I (and most of the fandom) got the hints from Aus about the blind item._

_Docnerd89: *snorts* His silence spoke more than his words. But nevermind that. Yaaay!_

_I wish I could say I had advance knowledge, but even though NBC gives me previews of Parks & Rec... silly Disney won't let me in on the seekrits._

_Docnerd89: Ah well. It was a good surprise. Perfect timing, IMO._

_Definit-mon. I was more than happy. Can't wait to see the 'real' morning after in the fall._

_Docnerd89: *squees* .. Like you reiterated throughout the doc, we're such girls._

_Hey, you're gonna let them in on our behind the scenes convos?_

_Docnerd89: I don't think they could handle it. I can barely handle it. ;)_

_I'm a bit of a horn-dog for Nathan. I apologize. (I REGRET NOTHING!)_

_Docnerd89: LMAO. Uhuh. I wouldn't have you any other way :)_

_*blush* d'awww same here. *wubs* I really like this chapter. Hope our readers do too - even though it's embarrassingly late._

_Docnerd89: Heya sweet, sweet, uhm... sweet (can you tell I don't do this for a living?) readers, tell us what you think... And thank you sooo much for sticking with us._

_Yeah, those *wubs* go out to you guys too. Next update will be in less than a month (hopefully). So... we'll talk to you soonish_


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